it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then

Win some, lose some. Well, mostly lose some.

Loss #1   Buying picture frames is shopping... whaaaat?

I considered my shopping resolution carefully, and have now added on home decor to the list.  I get these ideas that I "need" stuff. I need new boat shoes. I need a computer desk.  No, I need a smaller computer desk.  I need more frames for my wall.  I need new dog toys.  Well, maybe I don't want to cut the dog toys all out, but they have a pretty big pile of toys already!

I want less stuff, but I keep buying more! It is a ludicrous problem!  I will conquer the 'stuff''.  And probably save up some money in the meantime (bonus!).

Loss#2   Meatball sandwiches for dinner and writing my prospectus for graduate school required a glass of wine.

You know, I have made this choice very simple for myself; it should be black and white.  We don't drink alcohol and don't eat junk food, ie. Godiva dark chocolate truffles (heavenly!), and we get skinny fit enough to wear our bikini in public and not scare away small children.

Buuuut,  life isn't black and white.  And who wants to live a life without dark chocolate Godiva truffles and red wine?  Not me.  Will try to persevere with goal to not consume alcohol, but not at the cost of losing that delightful hour where I have a glass of wine and even prospectus writing becomes thoughtful and inspiring.

Tricky, very tricky. It's a fine line.

Maybe I'll say one glass of wine with dinner allowed for health (mental and heart).


I decided to NOT be productive and to NOT cross anything off of my Sunday "To-Do" list, so I spent most the day trying to eliminate clothes from my closet.

I found about 2 shirts and an old pair of pajama pants that I was willing to part with.

Absolutely ridiculous.

Obviously, I have a long way to go on the wardrobe cleansing.

Still have over 300 days to go, so there's still hope!

I do have a confession, I had to buy 2 bras yesterday, but that was  a necessity because I didn't have any that didn't show through my shirts!

Besides my closet cleansing, I am starting a 40 alcohol fast for Lent.  I don't really drink excessive amounts of alcohol, save for the occasional Mardi Gras parade where I forget gin is not as hydrating as water, but I do drink 1 - 2 alcoholic drinks a day.  Gin and tonic while cooking dinner.  Glass of red wine with dinner.  Bourbon and ginger ale and an episode of 'Bones' or 'How I  met your Mother'.

I am trying to get ready for bikini season, so I figured I could ditch those extra 300 calories or so and increase my progress.  Plus, detoxing the old body is never a bad idea.

Might be slightly hard because I have a conference that is very "social" to go to next week, then there is St. Patty's Day and, oh yeah, MY BIRTHDAY!  I had planned to have a steak and a nice bottle of wine for my 29th; might be the exception to the rule.  We'll see.

An experiment

I have too many clothes.  I have always had too many clothes.  Too many clothes and nothing to wear- that is me.  I have so much stuff I don't even know what I have.  I like to shop... a lot.  I seriously love a sale- I will buy things I only kind of like because they are on sale.  Its a problem.

So my challenge to myself is to buy no clothing for one year.  I'm gonna go ahead and say from now until just before my 30th birthday next March.

Shoes are included in this, with the exception of replacing running shoes that are worn out.

This is a huge deal for me, and to make it legit, I wanted it publicly declared.  It will be hard, but I can do this.  And my life will be better for it.

Living the dream

It is funny that when life gets busy, interesting, exciting- it gets hard to make writing it down a priority.  I have seen and learned so much this summer about the ocean, the world, life, myself; but I haven't written any of it down!  How will I remember how I felt, what I was concerned with, what it was like to be here in this time?  I won't is the answer.  I easily have one of the worst memories in the world! At least when it comes to recalling events from the past.  I don't know any of my teachers names from any school level; except for one or two very special ladies.

I feel very blessed by the Universe these days.  How fortunate I am to be able to do what I love!  It occurs to me that I am blessed to know what it is that I love to do with myself.  Some many people just don't.  I don't know if they don't ever consider what they might like to do?  Or if they feel too encumbered by the day to day to go out there and get what they want from the world?  I think many people are afraid to look for other options.  If they are unhappy, they just stick with it and wait for retirement.  Or whatever that mystical hurdle is that they can't see past.

Certainly, in life they are challenges that we all have to deal with to get to our goals.  Sacrifices to make.  Things that stand in our way and sometimes block the light at the end of the tunnel.  There are bridges to cross, or burn, or build.  But, many people do find a way.  I believe there is almost always a way to make your life into what you want it to be.  It is on all of us and in our own capable hands to find our happiness.  To grab the world by the cajones and demand a joyful, fulfilling existence.  If we hate our jobs, we can tell our boss to suck it, and then go find something we like better.  If we are lonely, we can get a dog.  If we are flabby, we can exercise.  If we are uneducated, we can learn.  If we need a change, we can make it.  If we want the world to change, we can start with ourselves and be it.  It might be trite, but "Be the change you want to see in the world" is a pretty solid idea.

I am blessed because I have found what I love to do.  I would do what I do for free, shit I practically already do!  If I was a billionaire, I would be doing what I am doing right now.  I hope and wish for everyone to find the same joy from their lives.  Everyone has something that makes them happier than anything else, the hard part is doing it.  Whether it is just a question of time or money or obligations, you can't deny your passion.  There is always a way to make your life into what you want it to be.

When I find joy in something I had forgotten about, I always think of quote from a silly movie.  In '13 going on 30' Jennifer Garner says something akin to, 'we need to remember what used to be good because it still is'.  That makes happy.  Real movie quote below.

 "I think all of us want to feel something that we've forgotten or turned our backs on...because maybe we didnt realize how much we were leaving behind. We need to remember what used to be good. If we dont, we wont recognize it even if it hits us between the eyes."

And a bonus  quote from the same movie:

"I know Ive made a lot of mistakes, but I dont regret making any of them...because if I hadnt made them I wouldnt have learned how to make things right. "

Absentee blogger

I am busy.

From this poll, news I only wish was true:

I write like
Kurt Vonnegut
I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Mmmmint julep

Didn't take a lot of pics in NoLa this time.  There will be many more weekends.  It was lovely and relaxing though.  Gotta lot of work done for school, and maybe had a mint julep or two...

Busy lil' bee

Moved into lovely yellow house in Ocean Springs, Mississippi.  

Started work as a graduate student.

Doing research for thesis in New Orleans this weekend.

Finally have internet at home, so I'll be back soon.

Life is good right now, real good.

Do better guy.

Quote from a seafood industry guy about oil spill in Gulf, "Petroleum and seafood," Bates said, "do not go together."

Um, they are animals, millions of them.  Please, at least in this moment of desperation, acknowledge that they are animals, who have important roles to play in threatened ecosystems, which also play important roles in our little world.  We should perhaps be more concerned presently with the loss of irreplaceable natural habitat, than the loss of crab cakes.

This disaster will be no doubt greatly effecting my life directly, as it is posed to destroy the very ecosystem I am supposed to be studying in one month.  I am getting paid to work on subtidal oyster reefs, they are sessile animals, they can't exactly move out of the way.  If they are coated with oil, they will no doubt die, as will most of their inhabitants.  Like our friend here, Mr. Blue Crab.

I will do better later this week!

But, for now-

I am moving to Mississippi in about one month.  Just gotta pass my finals, pack, find a house and drive 750 miles!

I have a roommate!  I am excited!  This means all my money won't go to rent!  And, bonus, he sounds really great!  He sounds like we oughtta get along great!  Here's hoping!

And now: dinner, sleep, study, study, study, test, test.  On Wednesday, the world is a little easier for me!

Still bullet brained

  • My mom said I got my love of travel from her.  Thanks mom, one of her best genetic gifts!
  • Pops called me "highly adaptable".  I agree and think this is perhaps from his genetic contribution.  It also felt like praise and it makes me feel wonderful when I receive praise from a parent.  Guess I am still a child eager for parental approval.
  • I accepted the offer of an assistantship at the University of Southern Mississippi.  So, unless something changes or goes wrong, and they might, I am moving to Ocean Springs, MS at the end of May.  Kind of exciting, but I am still skeptical that this is a solid plan.  I get my official offer the first week of May.   When I get that, I will pop open the " I know where I am going to grad school champagne" my sister bought me for Christmas.
  • Finals approaching.  Have two Physics tests in next two weeks and am not thrilled.  Must pass though, so I can never think about Physics again!!!!!!!
  • Time to study Physics....

And yet...

-at the same time, I do really want to go to school.  I have worked so hard and now have a free Masters waiting for me.  The facilities there are amazing, the lab is in the middle of the forest, the town is beautiful!

I really wish I knew what the right answer was...


I can't think these days.  Too many big choices, can't put together thoughts in my brain any longer.  I am hoping this passes soon.  For today, bullets:

  • My back has been killing me!  Makes everything more difficult.
  • I have been offered a fully funded fellowship at a beautiful school in Mississippi.
  • Unless I change my mind, I am turning it down because the cost to move there would be financially crippling at the present.   I am thinking I need to work for a few years before I attend graduate school.  I will make this final decision on Monday.
  • I applied for a couple of jobs in the Corpus area which are exactly in my field, except...
  • I am thinking I am almost certainly going to teach next year.  I talked to schools here and feel confident I can get hired at one, except...
  • My sister teaches middle school science in Austin and wants to see if she can get me a job at her school.  I would have to leave the coast, which makes me sad.  However, I could stand to spend at least a year in closer proximity to my family.
  • I am planning to go to El Salvador in July.  Booking my ticket as soon as I am sure I am not accepting the science job in Corpus.
  • I am eating leftover pizza for breakfast, but it is homemade, whole wheat so I don't feel that bad about it.

Change of heart

I think I don't want to go to school next year.  I really want this job I applied for in Rockport!!!  I am not bragging, but my application looked awesome!  I put a ton of effort into it and I will be quite surprised if I don't  get an interview.

So now, I am studying fish furiously for the interview.  I want to blow them away and get hired!  The position closes in late April, so I should hear in early May about an interview.  Suspense will kill me!

I would be great at this job!  Cross fingers, toes and legs!!!

Fast Forward

Seriously, this semester has been a whole lotta yuck!  Five more weeks to freedom!  Which is good because I don't care about anything anymore.

Current opinions:

Gonna get into a graduate school?
-eh, whatever.

Gonna pass all my classes?
-meh, maybe not the Calculus

Gonna move far, far away?
-man,  I just wanna relax a bit

The current verdict?
Probably will go to the University of Southern Mississippi, permitting I get in and am offered the project I want.  UNLESS, I get offered a job first.

I couldn't tell you what I want anymore.  I am too tired and just over the whole situation.  Enough already!  I would be a happy lady to get one of the jobs I am applying for here in Corpus.  They pay well, are exactly in my field and I wouldn't have to pay double rent in June.  Both would give me the opportunity to move to another area of the coastal bend, which is a change and would be good.  Both new places are closer to the water.

Soooo..... we wait some more.  Bleh.

Cliff Hanger

Will I get a job?  Or will a graduate school come through with an offer of funding first?

Do I stay in Texas?  Or will I get to escape her ironclad grasp?

How long do I have to wait for answers?

Stay tuned, I guess.

If it weren't me, I'd change the channel already.