That when you live with another person, you ought to turn on a radio or tv before you have sex really loudly.
Ew.
Now We Wait
10 years ago
Freakin' hairstylists!
I hate them!! I try to give them chances, but i is so frustrating to spend $50 and come home looking worse than when you went! She was sweet. She gave me a fine haircut, but I just asked her to even out my bangs and trim the back even. I guess it escapes my notice yesterday that she went on a little layering spree- leaving me with a much different haircut than I had/wanted!
I went in looking like thirties bob:
and came home looking like Carol Brady:
I HATE SALONS!!!
I went in looking like thirties bob:
and came home looking like Carol Brady:
I HATE SALONS!!!
Cleaning
Organizing, cleaning, reorganizing, drinking wine...
Why does a room feel so much better once you have moved everything around? I don't know, but I love rearranging! And sweeping up the dust behind things, so when you look at it you know it is truly clean! Heaven! Well ok, my weird, anal version of heaven!
Back to cleaning, things are looking better around here!
Why does a room feel so much better once you have moved everything around? I don't know, but I love rearranging! And sweeping up the dust behind things, so when you look at it you know it is truly clean! Heaven! Well ok, my weird, anal version of heaven!
Back to cleaning, things are looking better around here!
Holy Teenager!
I got myself a lil' Christmas present, coolest thing ever, a negative scanner. Say hello to teen Rachel.
Actually, I love having bangs!
This is me and my lovely friend Courtney at my Christmas party. I am liking the bangs more and more. I feel more polished, which isn't hard because I normally feel like a hobo. It is hard to take time for your appearance when you get busy! I have been making an effort lately to take better care of myself because even if I am not trying to impress anyone most days, I should make the effort for myself. As should everyone! You can't skimp on the self-care or self-love!
Random blurbs
The semester is almost over! Two days and one final left! I cannot wait spend some more time off campus!!
I have submitted one application for graduate school, to the University of Massachusetts, and I will submit one more tomorrow to the University of Washington- Seattle.
Tomorrow is my Christmas party! Annual tradition in its third year! This will be a blast!
Lastly, romantically, things are good.
Call me old fashioned...
Maybe I am getting to be an old fuddy duddy,or too demanding in my old age, but I truly do believe you should wait until you have been back together with someone more than two days before hugely disappointing them.
I guess other people feel differently.
I guess other people feel differently.
Déjà vu
Is so weird!!
It is always the most random, meaningless stuff- like the combination of typing a word and thinking of a person, and then bam- there it is! -the strangest feeling that you have done that mundane, but unique combination of tasks before.
I always take it to mean I am on the right path in life.
:)
It is always the most random, meaningless stuff- like the combination of typing a word and thinking of a person, and then bam- there it is! -the strangest feeling that you have done that mundane, but unique combination of tasks before.
I always take it to mean I am on the right path in life.
:)
More weird words of wisdom
Ok, this is strange!
Two different boxes of tea, purchased at two different times, locations and stores. Same brand, different flavor.
This morning making my chai tea I didn't have my normal mix of vanilla Bigelow and Good Earth's sweet and spicy, so I used two Good Earth varieties; one vanilla chai and one black chai. Only one had a message on the tea bag.
Then at the last minute I decided to throw a Sweet and Spicy into the mix, because I don't really like the other too- and the message was the same! Crazy! I never get the same tea message, they have lots and lots!
What are my consumer words of wisdom today, "First think, then act."
Ha ha, sound advice indeed.
P.S.
We are going to try and work things out and I am hopeful!
Two different boxes of tea, purchased at two different times, locations and stores. Same brand, different flavor.
This morning making my chai tea I didn't have my normal mix of vanilla Bigelow and Good Earth's sweet and spicy, so I used two Good Earth varieties; one vanilla chai and one black chai. Only one had a message on the tea bag.
Then at the last minute I decided to throw a Sweet and Spicy into the mix, because I don't really like the other too- and the message was the same! Crazy! I never get the same tea message, they have lots and lots!
What are my consumer words of wisdom today, "First think, then act."
Ha ha, sound advice indeed.
P.S.
We are going to try and work things out and I am hopeful!
Out there
Well I did it- foolishly, no doubt, but I put myself 'out there'. I dropped defenses and opened the door again (emotionally) for someone who hurt me rather badly. Why? It is hard to let go of something which once was good, or should have been good, or whatever it is that binds us to certain people.
Maybe it was dumb. Could be really dumb because there were lines which were crossed that will require there to be changes in people's behavior and counseling, if another attempt at this relationship is made.
However, I don't know if it will be made because he didn't respond.
I mean, I didn't expect him to drop everything and run to me, but damn, an acknowledgement would have been nice. This interim time gives me pause to wonder- maybe it is better, maybe I was wrong and weak and sad.
The thing is, I decided, I would rather be wrong and take a chance on happiness, than be right and miss out on a good thing.
I am fortune's fool for sure, but at least I can go on without the regret I would have felt if I had not extended that last hand out to him. Even if he never responds, at least I will know now that I did not let pride or logic lead, I let my heart lead, and if that gets me to the same end, so be it. I will go there knowing I took another chance on love.
And I hope I will never stop taking those chances. When people let their hearts harden and turn bitter, they seem to stop enjoying life.
And that my friends, is what I am here for. Since I reached out, a weight was lifted off of my chest. My heart felt less heavy immediately. Even if I am ignored or scorned or whatever, I know I let my defenses down and was vulnerable.
It felt weird, but good. Regardless of the outcome, I need to do that more often.
Maybe it was dumb. Could be really dumb because there were lines which were crossed that will require there to be changes in people's behavior and counseling, if another attempt at this relationship is made.
However, I don't know if it will be made because he didn't respond.
I mean, I didn't expect him to drop everything and run to me, but damn, an acknowledgement would have been nice. This interim time gives me pause to wonder- maybe it is better, maybe I was wrong and weak and sad.
The thing is, I decided, I would rather be wrong and take a chance on happiness, than be right and miss out on a good thing.
I am fortune's fool for sure, but at least I can go on without the regret I would have felt if I had not extended that last hand out to him. Even if he never responds, at least I will know now that I did not let pride or logic lead, I let my heart lead, and if that gets me to the same end, so be it. I will go there knowing I took another chance on love.
And I hope I will never stop taking those chances. When people let their hearts harden and turn bitter, they seem to stop enjoying life.
And that my friends, is what I am here for. Since I reached out, a weight was lifted off of my chest. My heart felt less heavy immediately. Even if I am ignored or scorned or whatever, I know I let my defenses down and was vulnerable.
It felt weird, but good. Regardless of the outcome, I need to do that more often.
Unrealistic
You ever hope that someone will know just the thing to do to fix something? That just for a moment, they would read your mind and do exactly the right thing?
I hoped that today, I really did. I hoped that if I explained my feelings to him and how upset I was about the whole thing that he would just show up, and then somehow things would be ok again.
I sat outside for an hour, holding my breath every time a car passed.
I could see how it would transpire in my head. In that one moment, all could just be absolved- that one moment of perfection.
Alas, no mind reading, no absolution, no perfect moment. Just me jumping every time a car door closed.
Well, at least I still can feel.
I hoped that today, I really did. I hoped that if I explained my feelings to him and how upset I was about the whole thing that he would just show up, and then somehow things would be ok again.
I sat outside for an hour, holding my breath every time a car passed.
I could see how it would transpire in my head. In that one moment, all could just be absolved- that one moment of perfection.
Alas, no mind reading, no absolution, no perfect moment. Just me jumping every time a car door closed.
Well, at least I still can feel.
Honestly,
I am so bummed out right now.
What can you do when a person repeatedly crosses boundaries, but eventually walk away?
I had to be the person saying, no more chances, however that doesn't mean I like the outcome all that much.
Thinking about watching The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Quote the movie is named for:
What can you do when a person repeatedly crosses boundaries, but eventually walk away?
I had to be the person saying, no more chances, however that doesn't mean I like the outcome all that much.
Thinking about watching The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
[last lines]
Joel: I can't see anything that I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: [pauses] Okay.That conversation isn't exactly relevant to my situation today, but I love the idea of this movie- it is essentially an hour and a half expansion of "tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all".
Quote the movie is named for:
"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd. "
Chocolate Promises
I love Dove dark chocolate promises, they allow me to satiate my chocolate need, while consuming minimal calories.
They also have cute little "promises" under the wrapper, kinda like a fortune cookie.
Today, I opened my evening's allotment of two and... they had the same promise inside! Both of them! I tried to find an approximate number of possible promises, but could not. However, I do think the odds of this happening are slim, and therefore MUST mean something.
So, what was the promise that the chocolate gods wanted me to heed?
They also have cute little "promises" under the wrapper, kinda like a fortune cookie.
Today, I opened my evening's allotment of two and... they had the same promise inside! Both of them! I tried to find an approximate number of possible promises, but could not. However, I do think the odds of this happening are slim, and therefore MUST mean something.
So, what was the promise that the chocolate gods wanted me to heed?
"Do not look back and ask why, look forward and ask, why not?"Comments, opinions?
Snide
It isn't a pretty look for someone who professes to be a Southern lady.
Given that, I say more sincerely to my anonymous advice giver, thank you for taking time out of your life to read about mine and contribute your thoughts. Blogs are a forum for thoughts and I was wrong to find yours ridiculous.
I do, however, believe myself to be in the best mental health of my life. Therefore, I do not believe I will seek out professional help, but your suggestion was considered as much as it deserved to be.
Outlook is positive. Future is bright. So, thank you for your concern, but I am great. A bit chilly, due to a broken heater, but otherwise, A-ok.
Given that, I say more sincerely to my anonymous advice giver, thank you for taking time out of your life to read about mine and contribute your thoughts. Blogs are a forum for thoughts and I was wrong to find yours ridiculous.
I do, however, believe myself to be in the best mental health of my life. Therefore, I do not believe I will seek out professional help, but your suggestion was considered as much as it deserved to be.
Outlook is positive. Future is bright. So, thank you for your concern, but I am great. A bit chilly, due to a broken heater, but otherwise, A-ok.
Helpful suggestions.
Comment on previous post,
Cheers,
Rachel
"I came across your blog and I think you might need to look into getting so professional help. You seem a bit all over the place, have you ever been tested for bi-polor disease?"Thank you Anonymous for your deep concern, it is truly touching when people care for other people. It is too bad that you are 'Anonymous', as I would love to extend my gratitude for your concern personally.
Be that as it may, I am a happy, well-adjusted woman who loves her life. Maybe you need to look inside yourself and address your own problems before doling out unsolicited advice to perfectly contented strangers.
As for myself, I will continue to only take advice from people who can spell simple words like 'polar'.
Cheers,
Rachel
