it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then

Wow!

This semester is kicking my ass! Hurricanes, burglarizes and adjusting to other life changes! It's that wonderful, chaotic, hectic mess that is college!

I got to go to a conference in Salt Lake City for most of last week and meet some people from my potential graduate schools and that has made me so excited- top 2 contenders:

UC-Santa Cruz, University of Oregon and University of Washington. They all expressed interest in me and my research as well, so I feel pretty good about my chances to get a spot in their programs! I presented a poster displaying my research but didn't get an award- ah well, next time!

Here is me being nerdy at my poster:


I have to catch up with everyone- I miss all my friends! This probably means you too!

In all honesty-

Many people offered to come over on Saturday and sleep on the sofa or for me to leave here and stay at their place. I didn't accept these generous offers because I didn't want the thieves to win. I didn't want to let them steal my life...

but, I haven't left my house since I got home and am kind of terrified to-

Skipped my first class today, but heading into the second one...

deep breaths.

.

.

.


Dogs will be ok when I get home and will protect the house... It's over.

So it goes...

Most people who I know here in Corpus have been burglarized, so I wasn't terribly surprised when I came home to find my house broken into.

At first it didn't register what had happened; quite a few window screens were pulled off and my bedroom window was broken under its screen. I thought my landlord had performed some weird hurricane preparedness ritual which I was ignorant to. I had just finished a four hour drive and urgently ran inside to relieve myself. From the bathroom, I could see my bedroom... it was a lot messier than I had left it.

I started to get a weird tingly feeling and goosebumps formed on my arms and legs. I went into my bedroom to investigate: broken window with glass everywhere, things knocked over,purses emptied, jewelry all over the edge of the bed and the floor, sock drawers dumped out... I head to the front door, it is unlocked- most definitely not how I left it... Major goosebumps now, someone who didn't belong in my home was here for sure. I go outside- inside doesn't feel safe, even with two tough looking dogs.

Call the roommate, the cops, the landlord, my daddy, my mom...

People who take advantage of evacuee's have a special place in hell reserved for them.

Worst Surprise Ever-

Coming home from evacuating to discover your house was broken into.

Music to my ears.

Benign.

*happy sigh*

:)

Now, we get on with the living.

Thoughts on if-

I don't know how many times I have wondered how I would react if I found out I had a terminal disease. One hopes with dignity, strength and grace. One hopes their passion for life is enough to sustain them through anything. One hopes they didn't waste too much of their precious alloted time.

When I was a kid I was sunburned badly twice, two separate years. Blisters covering my shoulders which turned into giant scabs and healed into sundamaged skin marked with brown spots. I wear sunblock on my shoulders pretty much everywhere I go. Walking across campus, riding my bike or even walking the dogs! I don't wanna risk another burn. And I haven't gotten burned badly in a long time. I do harbor some resentment to my mom for letting me get so burned, and two separate times! What was she so preoccupied with that she couldn't put a little more sunblock on her young child?

Starting to worry as I age- I want to live forever! I want to see one hundred years of joy on this planet! I have so many more things to experience, places to go, foods to try and people to meet! No way I am making an early exit!

So, I keep an eye out for oddities and things start to concern me. Moles aren't supposed to change. This worries me. More so, they aren't supposed to bleed. One time, I can ignore, but twice was cause enough to make the trip to the doctor where I was hacked up and sent off for testing.

You ponder things when you suddenly find yourself doubting your own immortality. I feel like I have a pretty good handle on what is worthwhile and what is not. Things which I concern myself with do continue to seem important and this pleases me. When I reflect upon my life, I am happy with my current path and I wouldn't change anything. I feel like my work is meaningful and my time is well spent on a day to day basis.

Outside of my window, a hummingbird hovers, wings furiously beating at an insane pace. He still looks so calm in the midst of his own fury. Perhaps there is a lessons there.

Thoughts on a phone call.

Such a simple thing, why procrastinate? Why put off something that will put an end to the worry about things I don't like to name? It's probably nothing anyway.

The pain emanating from my stomach reminds me that something real has happened here; they took a part of me. What once was me- is now just flesh in a test tube somewhere being analyzed. Or maybe it has already been analyzed? Maybe if I make that call they can answer my question-

do I? or do I just have a bullet shaped wound in my stomach where once a cute little beauty mark lived?

I man up, steel my nerves and make the call. I get put on hold for a long time while the friendly nurse retrieves my test results. Seconds take hours and waiting is torturous. She returns and awkwardly states that the doctor has not signed off on my results yet and that she promises they will call me right back.

The waiting game continues. Do I want my phone to ring? I hope so and I hope it happens soon.

My New Addiction...

-S'mores Luna bars.

I have been really busy and not had much time for cooking.

There may have been a day last week where they were all I ate all day.

I can't stop! I need help!

My (bad) eating habits.... (For Nicole)

I do. I eat it all! However, I am so shame filled because the more I learn about the food industry and how it damages the world, the closer I am becoming to making a big change.

It's very possible I will very soon quit eating any meat that isn't, at least, organic and free range, and preferably local- which should be easy down here because there are lots of ranches in south Texas. I know what the mass production of cattle does to the earth- bad things, if you were wondering! Very bad- produces tons of methane and requires more corn than you can imagine! Hunger could be pretty much eliminated if the land used for corn to feed beef was used in production of a crop to feed the hungry. Not to mention the animal themselves conditions...

But, I digress. Yes, I shamefully eat it all- I even love canned tuna, the worst of the bunch in my opinion.

However, the more my research and my general interest dives me into where our food comes from and what it damages- the less I can imagine supporting these industries financially. I honestly became interested in working with fish because I thought, "If I work in fisheries, I can eat tuna steaks guilt free."

Sadly, quite the opposite is occurring- the guilt grows and I am at the point where deliciousness seems to mean little in the face of extinction. I am at the point where I know too much to act like it's alright because it's not. The way our food is produced/caught is deplorable, and I find myself wanting to support these areas of extreme wrong doing less and less.

Conflict being- I am poor and organic/free range is expensive. I also love steaks and tuna, but when it gets down to morals as it now has... I find myself with the only option left being to stop consuming the products which offend so greatly.

I would be very interested to hear what you have to say on this subject, but I think it truly is a good idea to try not and support industries which are degrading our planet and I think I will be increasing the efforts on my part to abstain.

(Once I eat what's in my fridge- waste not want not!)

What am I doing? Why? And a mini rant on fish (For Cass)

I am doing a thesis-like research project as a stipulation of a scholarship I receive. I will complete it in the Spring of 2010, when I am about to graduate. The goal of the program is to make me competitive for graduate school.

My research is motivated by my belief that the toll of commercial fishing, if it continues on its current path, will in our lifetimes, essentially render the ocean a fish-less bacteria filled wasteland of jellyfish. I want to try and help stop this from happening! I love the ocean and I love fish and I want to know that I contributed all that I could to solving this issue.

Currently, many estimates show 90% of the world's fish stocks to be depleted- and these don't come back over night. Some higher level species like tuna can live up to thirty years and because these fish are caught in such high numbers, the stocks are never given time to be replenished. I am sure everyone can imagine when any one thing is removed from an ecosystem it can have severe consequences. Now imagine removing thousands of species... bad news for everything on the planet.

It is almost impossible to regulate commercial fishing. Asian countries have a great appetite for fish and their fishing industry has shown little consideration for the future. How do you regulate what goes on in the vast expanse of international waters?

To me it would seem that killing the market for illegal fish and more strict regulations of species that are listed as being depleted would be a start, but who gets to make the rules and how would you enforce them? Large bluefin tuna are increasingly rare and can fetch up to $40,000 a fish in Asian markets. Not to say Asia is the only place at fault, as a planet we are decimating fish populations everywhere.

At the end of her book, Sea Change, an idol of mine, Sylvia Earle, compared commercial fishing with the fable about the goose that laid a golden egg every day. The farmer who owned the goose got greedy and decided to cut open the goose to get all its treasure at once and thus ended up with nothing but a useless dead goose and blood on his hands.

I work in a fisheries lab at TAMU-CC where we mostly study populations of fish that live in areas near the coast; such as redfish or flounder. These are important for local fishermen and tourism.

My specific project is assessing whether oyster reefs should qualify as protected habitat under the Magnuson-Stevens Act (1996) which protects essential fish habitat or "those waters and substrate necessary to fish for spawning, breeding, feeding, or growth to maturity".

It's important to protect areas where the baby fish live because without these areas, the fish populations cannot thrive- which is what I want to happen because I love to eat fish!

:)

Inspiring insight!

- not from me, of course!

From National Geographic Adventure June/July 2008 issue:

"When we arrive here on Earth, we are naked, helpless, and ignorant. We are in a savage state, so to speak. As children we are brilliant generalists, curious about everything, voracious learning machines. But most of us gradually fall into a vacation state of mind and become specialists in our narrow little preserves, focused only on the minutiae of our own lives- the big project at work, the newest cell phone, that upcoming backpacking trip. We stop learning broadly and deeply, and then when something unexpected happens, we don't know what to do. We don't have the resources. We weren't paying attention to new information from our environment. I think we can do better."

-Lawrence Gonzales

Haircut-





I don't do this very often. Actually hadn't had a person cut my hair in about two years.... A little overdue!

So here's the before and after shots- not that dramatic or exciting, but it feels good anyway!





Hooray for new haircuts and new starts as well! Onward to the fuschia future!

*Sigh*

I need a break. I need less to do. I need to log about one thousand hours in the gym to burn off the stress compiling inside of me (not to mention the Chinese food I had for dinner!).

*sigh*

I need to enter in eleven more pages of data into Excel tonight before bed. I need to create a fifteen minute powerpoint presentation to give to my scholarship committee. I need to mow my lawn before my landlord evicts me- with my weed whacker because I haven't bought a lawnmower yet! I need to complain for a minute and move on...

*sigh*

Time to whine, "I just wanna go surfing tomorrow before the waves are all gone again!"

*sigh*

Back to data. Hit the gym manana. Try not to think about the other things which are bothering me, too much....

Know that next weekend, I will go surfing. Know that there are certainly things which could cheer me up soon. Know that everyday will not always be so vanilla - just today. Know fuchsia days are surely ahead, surely.

*happier sigh*

:)

data calls and I answer...

And so it goes.

Nothing like a looming project of great importance to lead me back to my blog.

The project: a fifteen minute power point presentation about my research on oyster reefs as fish habitat.

The presentation: ten days from now.

I am so.... not ready! It's a friendly audience though, so I think all will turn out in the end.

Summer continues to fly by at breakneck speed. To break up the already hectic schedule I am keeping, mother nature is throwing a nice whopper of a surprise for me this Wednesday- tropical storm Dolly? hurricane Dolly? just good surfing conditions? Hmmm.. time will tell I suppose. At least one thing is sure, I need some rum to whip up a batch of hurricanes for waiting the storm out! ;)

Can't seem to get started on my power point- so far I have a title and a blank second slide and that's it! Must share with people all I know about the usage of intertidal oyster reefs as habitat by nekton in estuarine ecosystems- very important....... oh crap, did you fall asleep too? ;) Ha ha- just kidding! Of course, I love my research, I am just being lazy...

Back to work!

Nonsensical Musings...

This Summer has been quite lovely thus far, but incredibly busy. I find myself actually beginning to look forward to classes resuming in the Fall and my schedule getting more... well not normal, but more like what I have gotten used to!

There are ten interns who are here for the summer in a program similar to my scholarship and they are super wonderful and have made everything such a joy! I will miss my new friends and all their silliness. See below for an example:











I also just finished moving into new house with a roommate who is also named Rachel- which is kinda weird because my last roommate was also named... Rachel. Well, guess that's how I like it!

My little sister has spent the last week visiting me and left me a bit brain dead.

My $50 craigslist treasure of a fridge just started making noises like it wants to die!

And now- I have finished my merlot- brush the teeth and sleep!
:)
Lovin' the Universe!