it's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then

Not enough me time

That sums up my summer.

Too much-

too much work

too much not going to the beach

too much stress

too much money spent

Too little-

surfing

money

relaxation

studying


I need to regroup, relax, rejuvenate and rethink.

I need more time to work out and have fun.

I need a pause button. Things are moving so fast. Time flies. Days pass. What have I done with the last few months?

I love my life and everything in it so much- I have to find the time to do the things which define me, as a person.

I want to do so much in my lifetime- but time just seems to slip away and I feel like wasted oppurtunities abound.

I just want to make an impact during my short stay on this planet.

This girl she is a writer.

Oh yeah, I have a blog.

Oh yeah, I have the soul of an artist with ideas and imagination and dreams- just hovering, waiting to be released upon the Universe.

Oh crap, I am so busy these days.

Balance- where does one find it? In downward dog or child's pose? Somewhere between a bottle of Cabernet and a margarita? In the eyes of the dogs or man I love? At the beach or in the woods?

Breathe in... breathe out.... Roll your neck from side to side slowly. Sit up straight, close your eyes and imagine nothing.

Peace.

Serenity.

Focus... that I lack so desperatly.

Breathe out- slowly...

Hear the kids jumping on my trampoline outside, having so much fun I can't imagine kicking them off even though they are a law suit waiting to happen.

Breathe in- slowly...

Know you decide to live every moment conciously and must remember to appreciate that life is this. Life is now. Life is a crazy whirlwind which will pass you by if you don't take notice.

This is your life, your moment. Your time is now and no other. Breathe. Live. Appreciate and enjoy every moment- because jet engines can fall out of the sky and end what you take for granted at any moment. Live- this is your life, and it can pass you by.

This is me, going to enjoy the evening with my dogs who love me.

From South Texas to Maine

That is what I have been doing for the last week- just got home.

I am tired, but it was fun! I had never been to the northeast US before!

Good to be home except that my Lola dog is limping around for some reason. Hope she feels better in the morning!

Loving on a Saturday!

I slept in until almost ten today! Now am having a refreshing grilled chicken salad with homeade light ranch dressing. And in a few minutes a friend will pick me up for a morning of burning calories by fighting the waves!

Everything about being at the beach is such a great workout! I think that is part of why I got so fit when I first moved to Corpus Christi!

I would go to the beach almost everyday! But, I had a working car and nothing else to do- which is not exactly the case these days.

My fav. easy marinade for grilled chicken for eating with salads:

2 parts olive oil
1 part redwine vinegar
1 part balsamic vinegar
A few good shakes of Cavender's Greek Seasoning
some cracked black pepper

I pour this directly on the chicken in a tupperware container with a lid and then shake to mix and coat. I think this is best if it marinades for a day, but it tastes good in just thirty minutes! Then, grill it up! I am sure you could bake them also, but here in south Texas we have about 360 days of grilling weather a year, so we make good use of them!

I like to make a few of these at a time and keep them in the fridge. I slice them against the grain for salads by need, so they don't dry out. The flavor of the marinade is so mild, that you can use them with any type of salad or dressing and it doesn't conflict.

Opps... the beach calls, gotta go!
:)

Fessin' up!

Well, I may as well admit it, I am so out of shape! I have probably never been so covered in flab in my entire life! The problem stems from something healthy- for the first time in my life I truly believe that my self worth isn't equal to how attractive people find me. I have lots of friends who like me exactly as I am- fat or thin... and this can become a problem when you are a busy person who loves food and alcohol!

I don't like feeling flabby, but I find I lack the insane motivation I have always had before. I wanna be back at my goal weight, but I know no one else cares if I get there.

My whole life I have been so insecure and insecurity is such a great motivator.... where do you find it when you are secure? I wanna be fit and look great! I do, but I am a full-time student with like four jobs and no car.... How do I find motivation and fit it into my hectic life?

Well, trying to is the first step, and I have been, but in a kinda half-assed way. So, tomorrow I am publically starting to motivate myself back to my strong, toned body of yester-year!

I don't know exactly how or when I will make myself workout, but it has to happen more than twice a week- it just has to! I wanna wear my shorts from two years ago!

Well, here I go! One last cocktail, for a while anyway, a good nights sleep and then back to running in the AM.

I am sure between running, abstaining from alcohol and surfing this girl'll be buff by August! :)

Slacking

That is what I did until yesterday, I hadn't hit the gym since Spring Break!

It is so crazy how you can get so busy and then before you realize you haven't worked out in months and all your hard work has melted back into flab.

What can you do but get up, dust off those running shoes and get back in the game? I am taking a road trip to Maine in about three weeks and I intend to look good in the pictures!!

Feelin' private

Having an enormous change in the very foundation of who you are makes it hard to commnicate yourself to others. I mean, when you hardly know who you are, how do you pontificate on your self?

This last year brought huge changes into my life which I have adjusted to rather well, I believe, and I now find myself in a happy place.

The conundrum now, is whether I truly feel comfortable opening up my new life to the world.

Coming to terms with a new life has been interesting; ups and downs, self-discovery, time alone, time with friends, and time with new and interesting people. My life is about 100 percent different this May than last May and I feel... ok with it.

Naw, I feel great about where I am, who I am and where I am headed. Little secret here, I will say I feel pretty good about who I am headed there with ;)

Life remains good and I feel so positive about the future!

Birthday + CLEP test = bleh

-that is all I got.

14 freaking hours straight of macroeconomics, adderall, coffee, wine, water, redbull, water, having to pee, more freakin' water, more adderall, more peeing, iced tea, deliriousness, half a pack of cigarettes, 213 email checks, a grilled cheese sandwich, 359 facebook stopovers and about 30 plays of Louis Armstrong singing "Bare Necessities"...

God save me.

All this equals me still not computing an MPC value correctly and not quite getting what happens when this increases and that decreases or when there is leakage in the circular model.

And to all this I say, bleh!!!

And happy freakin' birthday to me!

I must be maturing with age, last year at this time I had half a handle of Margaritaville tequila in my belly, had been asked to leave a few bars and was still partying it up at a gay club!

Kurt Cobain says

"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are."

Dear Santa,

I can't read; it's a problem. I would love to read and retain info, savoring every word the author loving chose, however something I am pretty sure is close to ADD makes my reading adventures skimming for quotes. I basically read everything in Cliffnotes versions.

So, Santa Baby keep the diamond ring, convertible and please bring me the Kindle 2

Rae

What drives me crazy

People who don't listen- especially when their disregard for your opinion is blatant.

People who are ruled by insecurities.

People who try to manipulate situations by switching their approach mid-conversation.

The good news is- these people don't have to be in our lives!

:)

Things I love in life!

Just a few quick thoughts!

-making spicy, fried chicken on Sundays! With biscuits and mashed potatoes. Mmmm....

-New Orleans, for some reason anytime I am there my soul feels like, "Yes, this is our place!" I think I fit in here: spicy food (nobody afraid of garlic, cayenne or onions here!); music that shakes your booty and soul simultaneously; people who may seem crazy, but laugh deeper than those from other places; buildings that have stories to tell; and nobody thinks an afternoon cocktail is inappropriate! People here seem to share my ideals in living intensely, having tons of fun and working hard also!

-my dogs. Really, they have taught me how to put another's needs before my own and that there is something bigger than myself in life. They dictate many of my life decisions. I feel like the Universe brought them to me to lead me down the best path.

-the beach. Sigh. Breathe in, breathe out. When you find yourself in water that is over your head and you realize you are suddenly on a lower part of the food chain than on land ;) it is humbling, as being a part of the biggest thing on earth should be. Cleansing, relaxing, reviving. If I can't solve a problem by going to the beach, it has no solution.

-dancing. When someone with a strong lead can lead me around a room and twirl me, all other things cease to exist- but the music, the man and I.

Thoughts post 1st valentines day con no man

I spent the morning protesting a nasty coal plant and playing tennis with friends. Then I worked out at the gym, came home, poured a glass of sauvignon blanc and took the longest bubble bath in history while listening to Jack Johnson.

Romantic, no.

Relaxing and lovely, yes!

Good points- I wasn't disappointed by myself.

Bad points- a little lonely towards the sleeping part of the evening.

Se la vie.

Couldn't ask for much more than I have.
:)

Life goes on, no?

I dunno why?

1. My uncle once- I don't really know my uncles. One is a vegan and one lives in Dallas.

2. Never in my life have I- sang karaoke, but I have been working on my courage, I think the time is upon us very soon!

3. When I was five I- lived in south Florida and loved the beach.

4. High school was- painfully awkward, why didn't anyone tell me you had to talk to people to make friends?

5. I will never forget to- brush my teeth. I am a dental hygiene freak! I have Listerine in my purse always!

6. Once I met- two abandoned puppies who changed my life!

7. There’s this boy I know who- has a smile that could turn your knees to jelly- I don't really, but I would like to know a boy like this!

8. Once, at a bar- I saw an old Chinese man play the hell out of a guitar with his tongue. Totally creepy, but freaking impressive!

9. By noon, I’m- usually in the gym these days or in class. On weekends, usually at the beach or in my yard.

10. Last night I- saw the Vagina Monologues for the first time. I laughed and cried. Then, spent the rest of the evening referring to my vagina as an entity. Ex: "My vagina wants a Guinness, y'all need anything?"

11. If only I had- known how to help suicidal boys named Sean.

12. Next time I go to church- it will probably be someone's wedding or a historic church in a foreign place.

13. What worries me most is that- my mother may never be happy and I can't fix her.

14. When I turn my head left- I see my lovely doggies and my closet overflowing with clothing.

15. When I turn my head right I see- the gorgeous red desk I recently painted and my gorgeous red I-pod with "Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." engraved on the back.

16. You know I’m lying when I- claim I don't ever get lonely.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is- nothing, but I wouldn't mind a do-over, so I could go back and try to actually enjoy my childhood. All in all, I am glad to be a free adult, some homes aren't happy.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I would- probably be Puck or Viola, depending on my mood. "If we the shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended that you have but slumbered here, while these visions did appear. And as I'm an honest Puck, if I have unearned luck, now to scape the serpent's tongue. We will make amends er long. Else the Puck a liar call? So goodnight unto you all Give me your hands if we be friends and Robin shall restore amends." (A glimpse of some of the useless information in my brain.)

19. By this time next year I will- be almost a college graduate and probably know where I am going to graduate school.

20. A better name for me would be- Lola, I feel like I would be a great Lola.

21. I have a hard time understanding people who- don't think caring for the planet is their responsibility, don't pursue happiness, or who care too much about money and power.

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll- get a masters in geospatial systems and a doctoral degree in environmental engineering, probably.

23. You know I like you if I- make up a pet name for you or feed you a special dinner. I like most people though, I probably like you, unless you are an asshole. ;)

24. The first person I would thank if I won an award would be- Sean Eagan for teaching me how to be a better person, my family for tolerating me, my dogs for making me into a semi-responsible adult and my friends for all the smiles!

25. Take my advice- savor every day, every taste, every kiss, every breath, every note, every word, every embrace, every moment- experience your life as it happens. Love your planet and don't ever be too busy to fight for a healthy world! Don't hold onto anger, life is too short too be bitter and people will always get what they deserve in the end. Leap without looking! Do something that terrifies you as often as possible. Go to New Orleans and eat well, meet crazy locals and hear an old man sing the blues. And remember to brush your teeth- white smiles are purty!!!!!

I jinxed myself.

I didn't want to display publicly that I was seeing one person exclusively because I thought it seemed a little too soon.

However, in today's world you can only ignore a "relationship request" for so long before it gets awkward.

And so I gave in and now, I will probably have to change it back to single after about one week.

Is this a good use of technology? Publicized relationship failures for everyone?

Sigh.