My (bad) eating habits.... (For Nicole)

I do. I eat it all! However, I am so shame filled because the more I learn about the food industry and how it damages the world, the closer I am becoming to making a big change.

It's very possible I will very soon quit eating any meat that isn't, at least, organic and free range, and preferably local- which should be easy down here because there are lots of ranches in south Texas. I know what the mass production of cattle does to the earth- bad things, if you were wondering! Very bad- produces tons of methane and requires more corn than you can imagine! Hunger could be pretty much eliminated if the land used for corn to feed beef was used in production of a crop to feed the hungry. Not to mention the animal themselves conditions...

But, I digress. Yes, I shamefully eat it all- I even love canned tuna, the worst of the bunch in my opinion.

However, the more my research and my general interest dives me into where our food comes from and what it damages- the less I can imagine supporting these industries financially. I honestly became interested in working with fish because I thought, "If I work in fisheries, I can eat tuna steaks guilt free."

Sadly, quite the opposite is occurring- the guilt grows and I am at the point where deliciousness seems to mean little in the face of extinction. I am at the point where I know too much to act like it's alright because it's not. The way our food is produced/caught is deplorable, and I find myself wanting to support these areas of extreme wrong doing less and less.

Conflict being- I am poor and organic/free range is expensive. I also love steaks and tuna, but when it gets down to morals as it now has... I find myself with the only option left being to stop consuming the products which offend so greatly.

I would be very interested to hear what you have to say on this subject, but I think it truly is a good idea to try not and support industries which are degrading our planet and I think I will be increasing the efforts on my part to abstain.

(Once I eat what's in my fridge- waste not want not!)

What am I doing? Why? And a mini rant on fish (For Cass)

I am doing a thesis-like research project as a stipulation of a scholarship I receive. I will complete it in the Spring of 2010, when I am about to graduate. The goal of the program is to make me competitive for graduate school.

My research is motivated by my belief that the toll of commercial fishing, if it continues on its current path, will in our lifetimes, essentially render the ocean a fish-less bacteria filled wasteland of jellyfish. I want to try and help stop this from happening! I love the ocean and I love fish and I want to know that I contributed all that I could to solving this issue.

Currently, many estimates show 90% of the world's fish stocks to be depleted- and these don't come back over night. Some higher level species like tuna can live up to thirty years and because these fish are caught in such high numbers, the stocks are never given time to be replenished. I am sure everyone can imagine when any one thing is removed from an ecosystem it can have severe consequences. Now imagine removing thousands of species... bad news for everything on the planet.

It is almost impossible to regulate commercial fishing. Asian countries have a great appetite for fish and their fishing industry has shown little consideration for the future. How do you regulate what goes on in the vast expanse of international waters?

To me it would seem that killing the market for illegal fish and more strict regulations of species that are listed as being depleted would be a start, but who gets to make the rules and how would you enforce them? Large bluefin tuna are increasingly rare and can fetch up to $40,000 a fish in Asian markets. Not to say Asia is the only place at fault, as a planet we are decimating fish populations everywhere.

At the end of her book, Sea Change, an idol of mine, Sylvia Earle, compared commercial fishing with the fable about the goose that laid a golden egg every day. The farmer who owned the goose got greedy and decided to cut open the goose to get all its treasure at once and thus ended up with nothing but a useless dead goose and blood on his hands.

I work in a fisheries lab at TAMU-CC where we mostly study populations of fish that live in areas near the coast; such as redfish or flounder. These are important for local fishermen and tourism.

My specific project is assessing whether oyster reefs should qualify as protected habitat under the Magnuson-Stevens Act (1996) which protects essential fish habitat or "those waters and substrate necessary to fish for spawning, breeding, feeding, or growth to maturity".

It's important to protect areas where the baby fish live because without these areas, the fish populations cannot thrive- which is what I want to happen because I love to eat fish!

:)

Inspiring insight!

- not from me, of course!

From National Geographic Adventure June/July 2008 issue:

"When we arrive here on Earth, we are naked, helpless, and ignorant. We are in a savage state, so to speak. As children we are brilliant generalists, curious about everything, voracious learning machines. But most of us gradually fall into a vacation state of mind and become specialists in our narrow little preserves, focused only on the minutiae of our own lives- the big project at work, the newest cell phone, that upcoming backpacking trip. We stop learning broadly and deeply, and then when something unexpected happens, we don't know what to do. We don't have the resources. We weren't paying attention to new information from our environment. I think we can do better."

-Lawrence Gonzales

Haircut-

I don't do this very often. Actually hadn't had a person cut my hair in about two years.... A little overdue!

So here's the before and after shots- not that dramatic or exciting, but it feels good anyway!





Hooray for new haircuts and new starts as well! Onward to the fuschia future!

*Sigh*

I need a break. I need less to do. I need to log about one thousand hours in the gym to burn off the stress compiling inside of me (not to mention the Chinese food I had for dinner!).

*sigh*

I need to enter in eleven more pages of data into Excel tonight before bed. I need to create a fifteen minute powerpoint presentation to give to my scholarship committee. I need to mow my lawn before my landlord evicts me- with my weed whacker because I haven't bought a lawnmower yet! I need to complain for a minute and move on...

*sigh*

Time to whine, "I just wanna go surfing tomorrow before the waves are all gone again!"

*sigh*

Back to data. Hit the gym manana. Try not to think about the other things which are bothering me, too much....

Know that next weekend, I will go surfing. Know that there are certainly things which could cheer me up soon. Know that everyday will not always be so vanilla - just today. Know fuchsia days are surely ahead, surely.

*happier sigh*

:)

data calls and I answer...

And so it goes.

Nothing like a looming project of great importance to lead me back to my blog.

The project: a fifteen minute power point presentation about my research on oyster reefs as fish habitat.

The presentation: ten days from now.

I am so.... not ready! It's a friendly audience though, so I think all will turn out in the end.

Summer continues to fly by at breakneck speed. To break up the already hectic schedule I am keeping, mother nature is throwing a nice whopper of a surprise for me this Wednesday- tropical storm Dolly? hurricane Dolly? just good surfing conditions? Hmmm.. time will tell I suppose. At least one thing is sure, I need some rum to whip up a batch of hurricanes for waiting the storm out! ;)

Can't seem to get started on my power point- so far I have a title and a blank second slide and that's it! Must share with people all I know about the usage of intertidal oyster reefs as habitat by nekton in estuarine ecosystems- very important....... oh crap, did you fall asleep too? ;) Ha ha- just kidding! Of course, I love my research, I am just being lazy...

Back to work!

Nonsensical Musings...

This Summer has been quite lovely thus far, but incredibly busy. I find myself actually beginning to look forward to classes resuming in the Fall and my schedule getting more... well not normal, but more like what I have gotten used to!

There are ten interns who are here for the summer in a program similar to my scholarship and they are super wonderful and have made everything such a joy! I will miss my new friends and all their silliness. See below for an example:











I also just finished moving into new house with a roommate who is also named Rachel- which is kinda weird because my last roommate was also named... Rachel. Well, guess that's how I like it!

My little sister has spent the last week visiting me and left me a bit brain dead.

My $50 craigslist treasure of a fridge just started making noises like it wants to die!

And now- I have finished my merlot- brush the teeth and sleep!
:)
Lovin' the Universe!

Message from the Universe

So sometimes when you are headed down the wrong path, the universe kicks you in the ass to help you get a clue. I feel this is what happened to me upon my arrival at [omitted corporate restaurant name] this evening. Fist I could not lock my bike to the rail because the rail was too thick and my lock was too short. Of course, I eventually found a less secure way to rig the lock and so I proceeded inside to get to work about twenty minutes early for my shift! I check with the hostess and my section is the "Captain's Room"... basically a room used for parties and there were no parties scheduled for last night...So, I would have had no customers and make no money. Oh well, I just shrug it off and head upstairs to the bar where my friend Katie is supposed to have a work shirt for me because I gave her all mine last time I quit. At the bar talking to Katie is Frank, the most annoying manager in the world. The man seriously and literally has nothing in his sad life but [omitted corporate restaurant name] and a shitzu. I don't say that to be mean,I say it because it is true and a character defining trait. This may be in part because Frank has no interpersonal communication skills, when he goes to talk with tables to make sure they had an "enjoyable dining experience", the people look both a little frightened and annoyed by his presence. His is also mid thirties and still young enough to change his life if he wanted to, but that is not important this story.

What is important is that good old Frank was quite deep into bitching at Katie about a sticky area behind the bar. I can see that Katie is trying her damndest to look like she cares at all about this because, apparently Frank thinks this is a rather serious issue which demands to be recognized, debated and immediately addressed. I can tell that Frank would also like to issue a memo about said sticky behind the bar area informing all [omitted corporate restaurant name] corporation employees that sticky areas are now considered against company policy and that anyone creating or ignoring a sticky area would be hereby suspended from work or possibly fired.

But, I digress, So, I approach this battle of wits mid debate and stand at the right of Frank waiting for him to leave, so that I can receive my white button down shirt with buttons on the collar as per company policy from Katie. Frank stops and turns to face me full on. "Brewton!" he exclaims, "Are you working?" He knows I am, this is a rhetorical question.

He examines me up and down. He is quite gay, so this is not creepy in a sexual way, just in the way that I know he is a drill sergeant looking to find fault in my appearance and bring it to everyone's attention. First one is easy, "Where is your uniform?", he barks at me. I explain that Katie has my shirt which she will give me as soon as he leaves her alone and that the general manager Patti, told me she would have an apron and a tie for me. He examines me for a second time. I can tell he curses me in his head for being so well groomed. I have done my hair in a flattering, yet conservative style. I have an appropriate amount of makeup on. My shoes, belt, socks and pants are all black and cleaned. "God you're tan!" he accuses. I sigh, when will he leave? "Your pants, Brewton, they are not acceptable!" This is actually news to me as they are the pants which I have always worn at [omitted corporate restaurant name], so them suddenly being unacceptable seems rather odd; I explain this to Frank and he says that I will have to ask Patti if I may have permission to work looking so "unacceptable". This is fine with me given that Patti was kissing my ass when I said I was coming back because I am a really hard working and reliable employee which [omitted corporate restaurant name] is perpetually in short supply of. Frank swishes away, down the stairs, most likely to inform Patti of my impropriety and I focus my attention on Katie.

Katie and I have arranged a safe word which will be used when I need her to give me alcohol on the job, a popular choice being a margarita in a kid's cup, the word is "hamburger". My friend and I make eye contact, "Hamburger?" she questions. "Hamburger!" I respond and we laugh both knowing full well that I don't mean it just yet, but very well may in a few hours. I get my shirt and head towards Patti's office- and when entering the drink station collide with another server, Leo.

Ah, Leo... Leo made me cry once when I was a new employee because I accidently greeted "his" table. He is disgusting; fat with bad teeth, curly pseudo afro which he wears in a greasy ponytail at work and to top off his other qualities, he has the worst personality in the world. He is a grumpy, thieving asshole. All this charm and more is now scowling at me intensely. I, not being a horrible person, apologize profusely to which he says nothing, just gives me a stony glare and silence. I deduce what drinks were lost and start to make them for him and tell him to leave the mess and that I will clean it up. He doesn't, he grabs a broom grumbling and cleans it up himself. I tell him a few times to just leave it, but eventually I just give up. Who cares if he hates me anyway? He grumbles at me,"I thought you hated this place?!" I respond, "Yeah, but doesn't everyone?" He storms out with his new drinks and I reflect on the joy that will be working with Leo. I consider walking out at this point, but I don't.

Instead I go downstairs to the kitchen. The kitchen immediately erupts in a chorus of my name. I am loved by 95% of people on the slave ship. I am a good worker with a good attitude and the love makes me feel like maybe it will be ok working here. The general manager, Patti and Frank are deep in conversation and do not acknowledge me standing at the open door of the office for about ten minutes. I walk away and I ask another manager to get me what I need to get to work. She walks me back to the office and asks Patti to give me my supplies. Patti is about to concede when Frank butts in about my pants. Patti examines them and says they are indeed unacceptable because "there are rivets on the pockets". I explain again they are the only pants which I have ever worn to work there and that I do not have another pair of work pants. I am asked if I want to go buy some and come back. I explain that I am without car and that no I did not want to try and buy any tonight or before my shift Sunday. I basically put out there that I will work in these pants for these two nights or that they will have to wait a few weeks for me to get a car and decide that I want to go buy new pants before I can work there.

They are both staring me down and I get the feeling that what they really want right now is for me to beg. Not on my knees groveling, but a little "Please, please can I just work this week in these pants?" sort of thing. A submission of will is what they want to get from me, however, unfortunately for them, it is one thing they will never get from me! I have pride and perhaps I do need to make money, but not enough to beg to work in a crappy restaurant in a perfectly acceptable uniform. I say, "Look if my appearance is, indeed, unacceptable, then I will just go. I know I was only added on to the schedule at the last minute and that you don't need me here. If I am not up to your standards I will just leave, it's not a big deal to me." Thereby letting them know, I will work for you, and hard, and I will show up on time, but I will not grovel and I do not need you- you need me. So, I left. I went upstairs to tell Katie, who balked and was pretty sad to lose me as a coworker so quickly. I told all the bartenders and servers on the way out, who also balked at how ridiculous the managers were being. I didn't care- my heart was singing the sweet song of FREEDOM!

And that is my story.

I should sleep

Gotta be up in a few, but southpark is on and I have half a glass of Coppola Rosso to finish- c'est la vie

Finals.

Yuck.

Brain Throw-up

I have nothing remotely compelling in my head, so here are a few random thoughts for the day:

And still the "I can't believe you're THAT old thing!" continues! Dude, it's twenty-six, not fifty-seven, chill- it really isn't so old! I feel young as a spring chicken, whatever that means.

It's pint night and I get to go, finally! This semester has been so life sucking that I haven't been to the weekly ritual of $2 beers at the Surf Club since March. Problem is, I am really tired and not really feeling it, but my friend who I am meeting there in an hour is phone-less, so I have no choice!

My dogs really wanna go for a walk right now. Last time I tried to make them wait, my carpet got seriously defiled, seriously. So, it looks like I am outta time.

Thank you, I think.

Recently, for some reason, a lot of random people have been asking me how old I am.

Their response seldom varies:

"Wow, I didn't think you were that old."

Just throwing this out there again:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!!"
;)

Heart and Soul

Drive to the corner store. Lazy, I know.

Buy cigarettes. Cancer, stink, I know.

Moderately distraught with el Universo (definitely not real Spanish).

Radio plays this song. I jam it. Loved it as a kid. Had a dance to it and everything.

Oddly lyrics ring sadly true.

Video and lyrics below:

Video = awesome eighties-ness. And I have watched it at least fifteen times. If you are envisioning a girl with a cocktail, smoking cigarettes and singing this song teary eyed you are on the right track.



Heart and Soul - T'pau
(Something in the moonlight catches my eye
The shadow of a lover goes dancing by
Looking for a little bit of love to grow, so
Give me love, give me heart and soul
You never let me cross to the other side now
I'm tied to the hope that you will somehow
Hard on the heels of something more
When I lost your love, heart and soul
The tear in my heart as you walk on by)
More than an ocean,
(I feel so low and your head is high
Everything you do convinces me more)
Keeps us apart.
(Please, give me love, give me heart and soul
Looking to the day when I saw your face)
I feel a tearing in half of my heart.
(I wasn't in the running, I wasn't in the race
You moved in a way that I've known before
Now I want your love, heart and soul)

(Tired eyes, tears that dried)
Leaving you ain't easy now,
(On the bed, on the pillow, where the love has died)
But loving you's the harder part.
(A turn of the key, through the door you go)
You never want me for myself,
(Don't look back, to hurt me more)
And I've needed you right
from the very start.
(Everything you said was to the point
Can't you try to)
Oh, won't you even try to:

Give a little bit of heart and soul.
(Give a little bit of heart and soul)
Give a little bit of love to grow.
Give a little bit of heart and soul,
(Give a little bit of heart and soul)
And don't you make me beg for love.
(Must I beg you)
Give a sign 'cos' I need to know.
A little bit of heart and soul.
(Walking on the water, walking on the air)

A walk on the water,
(That was the heart of the love we shared
Do you keep a secret left untold)
Is all that I need.
(That you can't give love, heart or soul
I used to have a lover with a Midas touch)
But miracles are not happening.
(I turned to gold but he turned to dust
Left me for another, I turned to stone
Now give me love, heart and soul)
(Tired eyes, tears that dried)
Living in a fantasy,
(On the bed, on the pillow, where you told your lies)
There's never any room to breath.
(A turn of the key, and my blood runs cold)
Hoping every waking hour,
(Don't look back to hurt me more)
You'll turn around and say that we can start.
(Everything you did just said it all
Can't you try to)
Won't you even try to:

Give a little bit of heart and soul.
(Give a little bit of heart and soul.)
Give a little bit of love to grow.
Give a little bit of heart and soul,
(Give a little bit of heart and soul.)
And don't you make me beg for love.
(Must I beg you)
Give a sign 'cos' I need to know.
A little bit of heart and soul.

Somehow I lost my way,
Looking to see something in your eyes.
But love will never compromise.
Now this is the politics of life, yeah!

Give a little bit of heart and soul.
(Give a little bit of heart and soul)
Give a little bit of love to grow.
Give a little bit of heart and soul,
(Give a little bit of heart and soul)
And don't you make me beg for love.
(Must I beg you?)
Give a sign I need to know.
A little bit, a little bit.
Give a little bit of heart and soul.
(Give a little bit of heart and soul)
Give a little bit of love to grow.
Give a little bit of heart and soul,
(Give a little bit of heart and soul)
And don't you make me beg for love.
(Must I beg you?)
Give a sign I need to know.
A little bit, a little bit.

Bukowski for fallen compadres.

Just wanted to circulate a little poetry throughout the wonder of the Universe this afternoon.

April makes me think of Seans, yeah plural. One died the eleventh and one's birthday should've been the twentieth. Sad fates met far too soon for such kind people.

On gorgeous Spring days, I do wish I could show them how beautiful the world and life truly is, but alas, I missed my chance at that. The sky is so blue it makes me want to cry for lack of words to describe its beauty. The palm trees rustle for me in the wind and mimic the sound of waves crashing on a sandy shore. I breathe easily, lightly. Smiles come readily to my lips and eyes. I always hope that as I age, I develop those great laugh lines that testify to the world that life has been lived well and thoroughly enjoyed.

Tears come easily also, but not in the mad rush of emptiness; just a fallen drop or two bringing the bittersweet knowledge that life is to be treasured not endured. Had I only spread those words to the world sooner... who knows?

I do believe with conviction that things happen as they should; hard as that can be to stomach in situations like these. For whatever purpose, sometimes the good truly do die young and for what means? I doubt I will ever know.

If nothing else, I can say what they will miss, makes me appreciate what I still get to experience. The world is open to me. I get to try and drink every wine, dance every song and taste every flavor out there.

And maybe if I do it with enough zeal while keeping them in my heart, their spirits will get to do the things they didn't.

Now the poetry, a little Sat afternoon Buk:

1. For Jane

225 days under grass
and you know more than I.
they have long taken your blood,
you are a dry stick in a basket.
is this how it works?
in this room
the hours of love
still make shadows.

when you left
you took almost
everything.
I kneel in the nights
before tigers
that will not let me be.

what you were
will not happen again.
the tigers have found me
and I do not care.

2. Cause and Effect

the best often die by their own hand
just to get away,
and those left behind
can never quite understand
why anybody
would ever want to
get away
from
them

Now remember:

Unbeing dead isn't being alive. ~e.e. cummings

So, live and let my message to the world today be,
please don't kill yourself because once you do, you are dead and that sucks for everybody.
:)