Benign.
*happy sigh*
:)
Now, we get on with the living.
Now We Wait
10 years ago
Thoughts on if-
I don't know how many times I have wondered how I would react if I found out I had a terminal disease. One hopes with dignity, strength and grace. One hopes their passion for life is enough to sustain them through anything. One hopes they didn't waste too much of their precious alloted time.
When I was a kid I was sunburned badly twice, two separate years. Blisters covering my shoulders which turned into giant scabs and healed into sundamaged skin marked with brown spots. I wear sunblock on my shoulders pretty much everywhere I go. Walking across campus, riding my bike or even walking the dogs! I don't wanna risk another burn. And I haven't gotten burned badly in a long time. I do harbor some resentment to my mom for letting me get so burned, and two separate times! What was she so preoccupied with that she couldn't put a little more sunblock on her young child?
Starting to worry as I age- I want to live forever! I want to see one hundred years of joy on this planet! I have so many more things to experience, places to go, foods to try and people to meet! No way I am making an early exit!
So, I keep an eye out for oddities and things start to concern me. Moles aren't supposed to change. This worries me. More so, they aren't supposed to bleed. One time, I can ignore, but twice was cause enough to make the trip to the doctor where I was hacked up and sent off for testing.
You ponder things when you suddenly find yourself doubting your own immortality. I feel like I have a pretty good handle on what is worthwhile and what is not. Things which I concern myself with do continue to seem important and this pleases me. When I reflect upon my life, I am happy with my current path and I wouldn't change anything. I feel like my work is meaningful and my time is well spent on a day to day basis.
Outside of my window, a hummingbird hovers, wings furiously beating at an insane pace. He still looks so calm in the midst of his own fury. Perhaps there is a lessons there.
When I was a kid I was sunburned badly twice, two separate years. Blisters covering my shoulders which turned into giant scabs and healed into sundamaged skin marked with brown spots. I wear sunblock on my shoulders pretty much everywhere I go. Walking across campus, riding my bike or even walking the dogs! I don't wanna risk another burn. And I haven't gotten burned badly in a long time. I do harbor some resentment to my mom for letting me get so burned, and two separate times! What was she so preoccupied with that she couldn't put a little more sunblock on her young child?
Starting to worry as I age- I want to live forever! I want to see one hundred years of joy on this planet! I have so many more things to experience, places to go, foods to try and people to meet! No way I am making an early exit!
So, I keep an eye out for oddities and things start to concern me. Moles aren't supposed to change. This worries me. More so, they aren't supposed to bleed. One time, I can ignore, but twice was cause enough to make the trip to the doctor where I was hacked up and sent off for testing.
You ponder things when you suddenly find yourself doubting your own immortality. I feel like I have a pretty good handle on what is worthwhile and what is not. Things which I concern myself with do continue to seem important and this pleases me. When I reflect upon my life, I am happy with my current path and I wouldn't change anything. I feel like my work is meaningful and my time is well spent on a day to day basis.
Outside of my window, a hummingbird hovers, wings furiously beating at an insane pace. He still looks so calm in the midst of his own fury. Perhaps there is a lessons there.
Thoughts on a phone call.
Such a simple thing, why procrastinate? Why put off something that will put an end to the worry about things I don't like to name? It's probably nothing anyway.
The pain emanating from my stomach reminds me that something real has happened here; they took a part of me. What once was me- is now just flesh in a test tube somewhere being analyzed. Or maybe it has already been analyzed? Maybe if I make that call they can answer my question-
do I? or do I just have a bullet shaped wound in my stomach where once a cute little beauty mark lived?
I man up, steel my nerves and make the call. I get put on hold for a long time while the friendly nurse retrieves my test results. Seconds take hours and waiting is torturous. She returns and awkwardly states that the doctor has not signed off on my results yet and that she promises they will call me right back.
The waiting game continues. Do I want my phone to ring? I hope so and I hope it happens soon.
The pain emanating from my stomach reminds me that something real has happened here; they took a part of me. What once was me- is now just flesh in a test tube somewhere being analyzed. Or maybe it has already been analyzed? Maybe if I make that call they can answer my question-
do I? or do I just have a bullet shaped wound in my stomach where once a cute little beauty mark lived?
I man up, steel my nerves and make the call. I get put on hold for a long time while the friendly nurse retrieves my test results. Seconds take hours and waiting is torturous. She returns and awkwardly states that the doctor has not signed off on my results yet and that she promises they will call me right back.
The waiting game continues. Do I want my phone to ring? I hope so and I hope it happens soon.
My New Addiction...
-S'mores Luna bars.
I have been really busy and not had much time for cooking.
There may have been a day last week where they were all I ate all day.
I can't stop! I need help!
I have been really busy and not had much time for cooking.
There may have been a day last week where they were all I ate all day.
I can't stop! I need help!
My (bad) eating habits.... (For Nicole)
I do. I eat it all! However, I am so shame filled because the more I learn about the food industry and how it damages the world, the closer I am becoming to making a big change.
It's very possible I will very soon quit eating any meat that isn't, at least, organic and free range, and preferably local- which should be easy down here because there are lots of ranches in south Texas. I know what the mass production of cattle does to the earth- bad things, if you were wondering! Very bad- produces tons of methane and requires more corn than you can imagine! Hunger could be pretty much eliminated if the land used for corn to feed beef was used in production of a crop to feed the hungry. Not to mention the animal themselves conditions...
But, I digress. Yes, I shamefully eat it all- I even love canned tuna, the worst of the bunch in my opinion.
However, the more my research and my general interest dives me into where our food comes from and what it damages- the less I can imagine supporting these industries financially. I honestly became interested in working with fish because I thought, "If I work in fisheries, I can eat tuna steaks guilt free."
Sadly, quite the opposite is occurring- the guilt grows and I am at the point where deliciousness seems to mean little in the face of extinction. I am at the point where I know too much to act like it's alright because it's not. The way our food is produced/caught is deplorable, and I find myself wanting to support these areas of extreme wrong doing less and less.
Conflict being- I am poor and organic/free range is expensive. I also love steaks and tuna, but when it gets down to morals as it now has... I find myself with the only option left being to stop consuming the products which offend so greatly.
I would be very interested to hear what you have to say on this subject, but I think it truly is a good idea to try not and support industries which are degrading our planet and I think I will be increasing the efforts on my part to abstain.
(Once I eat what's in my fridge- waste not want not!)
It's very possible I will very soon quit eating any meat that isn't, at least, organic and free range, and preferably local- which should be easy down here because there are lots of ranches in south Texas. I know what the mass production of cattle does to the earth- bad things, if you were wondering! Very bad- produces tons of methane and requires more corn than you can imagine! Hunger could be pretty much eliminated if the land used for corn to feed beef was used in production of a crop to feed the hungry. Not to mention the animal themselves conditions...
But, I digress. Yes, I shamefully eat it all- I even love canned tuna, the worst of the bunch in my opinion.
However, the more my research and my general interest dives me into where our food comes from and what it damages- the less I can imagine supporting these industries financially. I honestly became interested in working with fish because I thought, "If I work in fisheries, I can eat tuna steaks guilt free."
Sadly, quite the opposite is occurring- the guilt grows and I am at the point where deliciousness seems to mean little in the face of extinction. I am at the point where I know too much to act like it's alright because it's not. The way our food is produced/caught is deplorable, and I find myself wanting to support these areas of extreme wrong doing less and less.
Conflict being- I am poor and organic/free range is expensive. I also love steaks and tuna, but when it gets down to morals as it now has... I find myself with the only option left being to stop consuming the products which offend so greatly.
I would be very interested to hear what you have to say on this subject, but I think it truly is a good idea to try not and support industries which are degrading our planet and I think I will be increasing the efforts on my part to abstain.
(Once I eat what's in my fridge- waste not want not!)
What am I doing? Why? And a mini rant on fish (For Cass)
I am doing a thesis-like research project as a stipulation of a scholarship I receive. I will complete it in the Spring of 2010, when I am about to graduate. The goal of the program is to make me competitive for graduate school.
My research is motivated by my belief that the toll of commercial fishing, if it continues on its current path, will in our lifetimes, essentially render the ocean a fish-less bacteria filled wasteland of jellyfish. I want to try and help stop this from happening! I love the ocean and I love fish and I want to know that I contributed all that I could to solving this issue.
Currently, many estimates show 90% of the world's fish stocks to be depleted- and these don't come back over night. Some higher level species like tuna can live up to thirty years and because these fish are caught in such high numbers, the stocks are never given time to be replenished. I am sure everyone can imagine when any one thing is removed from an ecosystem it can have severe consequences. Now imagine removing thousands of species... bad news for everything on the planet.
It is almost impossible to regulate commercial fishing. Asian countries have a great appetite for fish and their fishing industry has shown little consideration for the future. How do you regulate what goes on in the vast expanse of international waters?
To me it would seem that killing the market for illegal fish and more strict regulations of species that are listed as being depleted would be a start, but who gets to make the rules and how would you enforce them? Large bluefin tuna are increasingly rare and can fetch up to $40,000 a fish in Asian markets. Not to say Asia is the only place at fault, as a planet we are decimating fish populations everywhere.
At the end of her book, Sea Change, an idol of mine, Sylvia Earle, compared commercial fishing with the fable about the goose that laid a golden egg every day. The farmer who owned the goose got greedy and decided to cut open the goose to get all its treasure at once and thus ended up with nothing but a useless dead goose and blood on his hands.
I work in a fisheries lab at TAMU-CC where we mostly study populations of fish that live in areas near the coast; such as redfish or flounder. These are important for local fishermen and tourism.
My specific project is assessing whether oyster reefs should qualify as protected habitat under the Magnuson-Stevens Act (1996) which protects essential fish habitat or "those waters and substrate necessary to fish for spawning, breeding, feeding, or growth to maturity".
It's important to protect areas where the baby fish live because without these areas, the fish populations cannot thrive- which is what I want to happen because I love to eat fish!
:)
My research is motivated by my belief that the toll of commercial fishing, if it continues on its current path, will in our lifetimes, essentially render the ocean a fish-less bacteria filled wasteland of jellyfish. I want to try and help stop this from happening! I love the ocean and I love fish and I want to know that I contributed all that I could to solving this issue.
Currently, many estimates show 90% of the world's fish stocks to be depleted- and these don't come back over night. Some higher level species like tuna can live up to thirty years and because these fish are caught in such high numbers, the stocks are never given time to be replenished. I am sure everyone can imagine when any one thing is removed from an ecosystem it can have severe consequences. Now imagine removing thousands of species... bad news for everything on the planet.
It is almost impossible to regulate commercial fishing. Asian countries have a great appetite for fish and their fishing industry has shown little consideration for the future. How do you regulate what goes on in the vast expanse of international waters?
To me it would seem that killing the market for illegal fish and more strict regulations of species that are listed as being depleted would be a start, but who gets to make the rules and how would you enforce them? Large bluefin tuna are increasingly rare and can fetch up to $40,000 a fish in Asian markets. Not to say Asia is the only place at fault, as a planet we are decimating fish populations everywhere.
At the end of her book, Sea Change, an idol of mine, Sylvia Earle, compared commercial fishing with the fable about the goose that laid a golden egg every day. The farmer who owned the goose got greedy and decided to cut open the goose to get all its treasure at once and thus ended up with nothing but a useless dead goose and blood on his hands.
I work in a fisheries lab at TAMU-CC where we mostly study populations of fish that live in areas near the coast; such as redfish or flounder. These are important for local fishermen and tourism.
My specific project is assessing whether oyster reefs should qualify as protected habitat under the Magnuson-Stevens Act (1996) which protects essential fish habitat or "those waters and substrate necessary to fish for spawning, breeding, feeding, or growth to maturity".
It's important to protect areas where the baby fish live because without these areas, the fish populations cannot thrive- which is what I want to happen because I love to eat fish!
:)
Inspiring insight!
- not from me, of course!
From National Geographic Adventure June/July 2008 issue:
"When we arrive here on Earth, we are naked, helpless, and ignorant. We are in a savage state, so to speak. As children we are brilliant generalists, curious about everything, voracious learning machines. But most of us gradually fall into a vacation state of mind and become specialists in our narrow little preserves, focused only on the minutiae of our own lives- the big project at work, the newest cell phone, that upcoming backpacking trip. We stop learning broadly and deeply, and then when something unexpected happens, we don't know what to do. We don't have the resources. We weren't paying attention to new information from our environment. I think we can do better."
-Lawrence Gonzales
From National Geographic Adventure June/July 2008 issue:
"When we arrive here on Earth, we are naked, helpless, and ignorant. We are in a savage state, so to speak. As children we are brilliant generalists, curious about everything, voracious learning machines. But most of us gradually fall into a vacation state of mind and become specialists in our narrow little preserves, focused only on the minutiae of our own lives- the big project at work, the newest cell phone, that upcoming backpacking trip. We stop learning broadly and deeply, and then when something unexpected happens, we don't know what to do. We don't have the resources. We weren't paying attention to new information from our environment. I think we can do better."
-Lawrence Gonzales
Haircut-
I don't do this very often. Actually hadn't had a person cut my hair in about two years.... A little overdue!
So here's the before and after shots- not that dramatic or exciting, but it feels good anyway!
Hooray for new haircuts and new starts as well! Onward to the fuschia future!
*Sigh*
I need a break. I need less to do. I need to log about one thousand hours in the gym to burn off the stress compiling inside of me (not to mention the Chinese food I had for dinner!).
*sigh*
I need to enter in eleven more pages of data into Excel tonight before bed. I need to create a fifteen minute powerpoint presentation to give to my scholarship committee. I need to mow my lawn before my landlord evicts me- with my weed whacker because I haven't bought a lawnmower yet! I need to complain for a minute and move on...
*sigh*
Time to whine, "I just wanna go surfing tomorrow before the waves are all gone again!"
*sigh*
Back to data. Hit the gym manana. Try not to think about the other things which are bothering me, too much....
Know that next weekend, I will go surfing. Know that there are certainly things which could cheer me up soon. Know that everyday will not always be so vanilla - just today. Know fuchsia days are surely ahead, surely.
*happier sigh*
:)
data calls and I answer...
*sigh*
I need to enter in eleven more pages of data into Excel tonight before bed. I need to create a fifteen minute powerpoint presentation to give to my scholarship committee. I need to mow my lawn before my landlord evicts me- with my weed whacker because I haven't bought a lawnmower yet! I need to complain for a minute and move on...
*sigh*
Time to whine, "I just wanna go surfing tomorrow before the waves are all gone again!"
*sigh*
Back to data. Hit the gym manana. Try not to think about the other things which are bothering me, too much....
Know that next weekend, I will go surfing. Know that there are certainly things which could cheer me up soon. Know that everyday will not always be so vanilla - just today. Know fuchsia days are surely ahead, surely.
*happier sigh*
:)
data calls and I answer...
And so it goes.
Nothing like a looming project of great importance to lead me back to my blog.
The project: a fifteen minute power point presentation about my research on oyster reefs as fish habitat.
The presentation: ten days from now.
I am so.... not ready! It's a friendly audience though, so I think all will turn out in the end.
Summer continues to fly by at breakneck speed. To break up the already hectic schedule I am keeping, mother nature is throwing a nice whopper of a surprise for me this Wednesday- tropical storm Dolly? hurricane Dolly? just good surfing conditions? Hmmm.. time will tell I suppose. At least one thing is sure, I need some rum to whip up a batch of hurricanes for waiting the storm out! ;)
Can't seem to get started on my power point- so far I have a title and a blank second slide and that's it! Must share with people all I know about the usage of intertidal oyster reefs as habitat by nekton in estuarine ecosystems- very important....... oh crap, did you fall asleep too? ;) Ha ha- just kidding! Of course, I love my research, I am just being lazy...
Back to work!
The project: a fifteen minute power point presentation about my research on oyster reefs as fish habitat.
The presentation: ten days from now.
I am so.... not ready! It's a friendly audience though, so I think all will turn out in the end.
Summer continues to fly by at breakneck speed. To break up the already hectic schedule I am keeping, mother nature is throwing a nice whopper of a surprise for me this Wednesday- tropical storm Dolly? hurricane Dolly? just good surfing conditions? Hmmm.. time will tell I suppose. At least one thing is sure, I need some rum to whip up a batch of hurricanes for waiting the storm out! ;)
Can't seem to get started on my power point- so far I have a title and a blank second slide and that's it! Must share with people all I know about the usage of intertidal oyster reefs as habitat by nekton in estuarine ecosystems- very important....... oh crap, did you fall asleep too? ;) Ha ha- just kidding! Of course, I love my research, I am just being lazy...
Back to work!
Nonsensical Musings...
This Summer has been quite lovely thus far, but incredibly busy. I find myself actually beginning to look forward to classes resuming in the Fall and my schedule getting more... well not normal, but more like what I have gotten used to!
There are ten interns who are here for the summer in a program similar to my scholarship and they are super wonderful and have made everything such a joy! I will miss my new friends and all their silliness. See below for an example:
I also just finished moving into new house with a roommate who is also named Rachel- which is kinda weird because my last roommate was also named... Rachel. Well, guess that's how I like it!
My little sister has spent the last week visiting me and left me a bit brain dead.
My $50 craigslist treasure of a fridge just started making noises like it wants to die!
And now- I have finished my merlot- brush the teeth and sleep!
:)
Lovin' the Universe!
There are ten interns who are here for the summer in a program similar to my scholarship and they are super wonderful and have made everything such a joy! I will miss my new friends and all their silliness. See below for an example:
I also just finished moving into new house with a roommate who is also named Rachel- which is kinda weird because my last roommate was also named... Rachel. Well, guess that's how I like it!
My little sister has spent the last week visiting me and left me a bit brain dead.
My $50 craigslist treasure of a fridge just started making noises like it wants to die!
And now- I have finished my merlot- brush the teeth and sleep!
:)
Lovin' the Universe!
Message from the Universe
So sometimes when you are headed down the wrong path, the universe kicks you in the ass to help you get a clue. I feel this is what happened to me upon my arrival at [omitted corporate restaurant name] this evening. Fist I could not lock my bike to the rail because the rail was too thick and my lock was too short. Of course, I eventually found a less secure way to rig the lock and so I proceeded inside to get to work about twenty minutes early for my shift! I check with the hostess and my section is the "Captain's Room"... basically a room used for parties and there were no parties scheduled for last night...So, I would have had no customers and make no money. Oh well, I just shrug it off and head upstairs to the bar where my friend Katie is supposed to have a work shirt for me because I gave her all mine last time I quit. At the bar talking to Katie is Frank, the most annoying manager in the world. The man seriously and literally has nothing in his sad life but [omitted corporate restaurant name] and a shitzu. I don't say that to be mean,I say it because it is true and a character defining trait. This may be in part because Frank has no interpersonal communication skills, when he goes to talk with tables to make sure they had an "enjoyable dining experience", the people look both a little frightened and annoyed by his presence. His is also mid thirties and still young enough to change his life if he wanted to, but that is not important this story.
What is important is that good old Frank was quite deep into bitching at Katie about a sticky area behind the bar. I can see that Katie is trying her damndest to look like she cares at all about this because, apparently Frank thinks this is a rather serious issue which demands to be recognized, debated and immediately addressed. I can tell that Frank would also like to issue a memo about said sticky behind the bar area informing all [omitted corporate restaurant name] corporation employees that sticky areas are now considered against company policy and that anyone creating or ignoring a sticky area would be hereby suspended from work or possibly fired.
But, I digress, So, I approach this battle of wits mid debate and stand at the right of Frank waiting for him to leave, so that I can receive my white button down shirt with buttons on the collar as per company policy from Katie. Frank stops and turns to face me full on. "Brewton!" he exclaims, "Are you working?" He knows I am, this is a rhetorical question.
He examines me up and down. He is quite gay, so this is not creepy in a sexual way, just in the way that I know he is a drill sergeant looking to find fault in my appearance and bring it to everyone's attention. First one is easy, "Where is your uniform?", he barks at me. I explain that Katie has my shirt which she will give me as soon as he leaves her alone and that the general manager Patti, told me she would have an apron and a tie for me. He examines me for a second time. I can tell he curses me in his head for being so well groomed. I have done my hair in a flattering, yet conservative style. I have an appropriate amount of makeup on. My shoes, belt, socks and pants are all black and cleaned. "God you're tan!" he accuses. I sigh, when will he leave? "Your pants, Brewton, they are not acceptable!" This is actually news to me as they are the pants which I have always worn at [omitted corporate restaurant name], so them suddenly being unacceptable seems rather odd; I explain this to Frank and he says that I will have to ask Patti if I may have permission to work looking so "unacceptable". This is fine with me given that Patti was kissing my ass when I said I was coming back because I am a really hard working and reliable employee which [omitted corporate restaurant name] is perpetually in short supply of. Frank swishes away, down the stairs, most likely to inform Patti of my impropriety and I focus my attention on Katie.
Katie and I have arranged a safe word which will be used when I need her to give me alcohol on the job, a popular choice being a margarita in a kid's cup, the word is "hamburger". My friend and I make eye contact, "Hamburger?" she questions. "Hamburger!" I respond and we laugh both knowing full well that I don't mean it just yet, but very well may in a few hours. I get my shirt and head towards Patti's office- and when entering the drink station collide with another server, Leo.
Ah, Leo... Leo made me cry once when I was a new employee because I accidently greeted "his" table. He is disgusting; fat with bad teeth, curly pseudo afro which he wears in a greasy ponytail at work and to top off his other qualities, he has the worst personality in the world. He is a grumpy, thieving asshole. All this charm and more is now scowling at me intensely. I, not being a horrible person, apologize profusely to which he says nothing, just gives me a stony glare and silence. I deduce what drinks were lost and start to make them for him and tell him to leave the mess and that I will clean it up. He doesn't, he grabs a broom grumbling and cleans it up himself. I tell him a few times to just leave it, but eventually I just give up. Who cares if he hates me anyway? He grumbles at me,"I thought you hated this place?!" I respond, "Yeah, but doesn't everyone?" He storms out with his new drinks and I reflect on the joy that will be working with Leo. I consider walking out at this point, but I don't.
Instead I go downstairs to the kitchen. The kitchen immediately erupts in a chorus of my name. I am loved by 95% of people on the slave ship. I am a good worker with a good attitude and the love makes me feel like maybe it will be ok working here. The general manager, Patti and Frank are deep in conversation and do not acknowledge me standing at the open door of the office for about ten minutes. I walk away and I ask another manager to get me what I need to get to work. She walks me back to the office and asks Patti to give me my supplies. Patti is about to concede when Frank butts in about my pants. Patti examines them and says they are indeed unacceptable because "there are rivets on the pockets". I explain again they are the only pants which I have ever worn to work there and that I do not have another pair of work pants. I am asked if I want to go buy some and come back. I explain that I am without car and that no I did not want to try and buy any tonight or before my shift Sunday. I basically put out there that I will work in these pants for these two nights or that they will have to wait a few weeks for me to get a car and decide that I want to go buy new pants before I can work there.
They are both staring me down and I get the feeling that what they really want right now is for me to beg. Not on my knees groveling, but a little "Please, please can I just work this week in these pants?" sort of thing. A submission of will is what they want to get from me, however, unfortunately for them, it is one thing they will never get from me! I have pride and perhaps I do need to make money, but not enough to beg to work in a crappy restaurant in a perfectly acceptable uniform. I say, "Look if my appearance is, indeed, unacceptable, then I will just go. I know I was only added on to the schedule at the last minute and that you don't need me here. If I am not up to your standards I will just leave, it's not a big deal to me." Thereby letting them know, I will work for you, and hard, and I will show up on time, but I will not grovel and I do not need you- you need me. So, I left. I went upstairs to tell Katie, who balked and was pretty sad to lose me as a coworker so quickly. I told all the bartenders and servers on the way out, who also balked at how ridiculous the managers were being. I didn't care- my heart was singing the sweet song of FREEDOM!
And that is my story.
What is important is that good old Frank was quite deep into bitching at Katie about a sticky area behind the bar. I can see that Katie is trying her damndest to look like she cares at all about this because, apparently Frank thinks this is a rather serious issue which demands to be recognized, debated and immediately addressed. I can tell that Frank would also like to issue a memo about said sticky behind the bar area informing all [omitted corporate restaurant name] corporation employees that sticky areas are now considered against company policy and that anyone creating or ignoring a sticky area would be hereby suspended from work or possibly fired.
But, I digress, So, I approach this battle of wits mid debate and stand at the right of Frank waiting for him to leave, so that I can receive my white button down shirt with buttons on the collar as per company policy from Katie. Frank stops and turns to face me full on. "Brewton!" he exclaims, "Are you working?" He knows I am, this is a rhetorical question.
He examines me up and down. He is quite gay, so this is not creepy in a sexual way, just in the way that I know he is a drill sergeant looking to find fault in my appearance and bring it to everyone's attention. First one is easy, "Where is your uniform?", he barks at me. I explain that Katie has my shirt which she will give me as soon as he leaves her alone and that the general manager Patti, told me she would have an apron and a tie for me. He examines me for a second time. I can tell he curses me in his head for being so well groomed. I have done my hair in a flattering, yet conservative style. I have an appropriate amount of makeup on. My shoes, belt, socks and pants are all black and cleaned. "God you're tan!" he accuses. I sigh, when will he leave? "Your pants, Brewton, they are not acceptable!" This is actually news to me as they are the pants which I have always worn at [omitted corporate restaurant name], so them suddenly being unacceptable seems rather odd; I explain this to Frank and he says that I will have to ask Patti if I may have permission to work looking so "unacceptable". This is fine with me given that Patti was kissing my ass when I said I was coming back because I am a really hard working and reliable employee which [omitted corporate restaurant name] is perpetually in short supply of. Frank swishes away, down the stairs, most likely to inform Patti of my impropriety and I focus my attention on Katie.
Katie and I have arranged a safe word which will be used when I need her to give me alcohol on the job, a popular choice being a margarita in a kid's cup, the word is "hamburger". My friend and I make eye contact, "Hamburger?" she questions. "Hamburger!" I respond and we laugh both knowing full well that I don't mean it just yet, but very well may in a few hours. I get my shirt and head towards Patti's office- and when entering the drink station collide with another server, Leo.
Ah, Leo... Leo made me cry once when I was a new employee because I accidently greeted "his" table. He is disgusting; fat with bad teeth, curly pseudo afro which he wears in a greasy ponytail at work and to top off his other qualities, he has the worst personality in the world. He is a grumpy, thieving asshole. All this charm and more is now scowling at me intensely. I, not being a horrible person, apologize profusely to which he says nothing, just gives me a stony glare and silence. I deduce what drinks were lost and start to make them for him and tell him to leave the mess and that I will clean it up. He doesn't, he grabs a broom grumbling and cleans it up himself. I tell him a few times to just leave it, but eventually I just give up. Who cares if he hates me anyway? He grumbles at me,"I thought you hated this place?!" I respond, "Yeah, but doesn't everyone?" He storms out with his new drinks and I reflect on the joy that will be working with Leo. I consider walking out at this point, but I don't.
Instead I go downstairs to the kitchen. The kitchen immediately erupts in a chorus of my name. I am loved by 95% of people on the slave ship. I am a good worker with a good attitude and the love makes me feel like maybe it will be ok working here. The general manager, Patti and Frank are deep in conversation and do not acknowledge me standing at the open door of the office for about ten minutes. I walk away and I ask another manager to get me what I need to get to work. She walks me back to the office and asks Patti to give me my supplies. Patti is about to concede when Frank butts in about my pants. Patti examines them and says they are indeed unacceptable because "there are rivets on the pockets". I explain again they are the only pants which I have ever worn to work there and that I do not have another pair of work pants. I am asked if I want to go buy some and come back. I explain that I am without car and that no I did not want to try and buy any tonight or before my shift Sunday. I basically put out there that I will work in these pants for these two nights or that they will have to wait a few weeks for me to get a car and decide that I want to go buy new pants before I can work there.
They are both staring me down and I get the feeling that what they really want right now is for me to beg. Not on my knees groveling, but a little "Please, please can I just work this week in these pants?" sort of thing. A submission of will is what they want to get from me, however, unfortunately for them, it is one thing they will never get from me! I have pride and perhaps I do need to make money, but not enough to beg to work in a crappy restaurant in a perfectly acceptable uniform. I say, "Look if my appearance is, indeed, unacceptable, then I will just go. I know I was only added on to the schedule at the last minute and that you don't need me here. If I am not up to your standards I will just leave, it's not a big deal to me." Thereby letting them know, I will work for you, and hard, and I will show up on time, but I will not grovel and I do not need you- you need me. So, I left. I went upstairs to tell Katie, who balked and was pretty sad to lose me as a coworker so quickly. I told all the bartenders and servers on the way out, who also balked at how ridiculous the managers were being. I didn't care- my heart was singing the sweet song of FREEDOM!
And that is my story.
I should sleep
Gotta be up in a few, but southpark is on and I have half a glass of Coppola Rosso to finish- c'est la vie
Brain Throw-up
I have nothing remotely compelling in my head, so here are a few random thoughts for the day:
And still the "I can't believe you're THAT old thing!" continues! Dude, it's twenty-six, not fifty-seven, chill- it really isn't so old! I feel young as a spring chicken, whatever that means.
It's pint night and I get to go, finally! This semester has been so life sucking that I haven't been to the weekly ritual of $2 beers at the Surf Club since March. Problem is, I am really tired and not really feeling it, but my friend who I am meeting there in an hour is phone-less, so I have no choice!
My dogs really wanna go for a walk right now. Last time I tried to make them wait, my carpet got seriously defiled, seriously. So, it looks like I am outta time.
And still the "I can't believe you're THAT old thing!" continues! Dude, it's twenty-six, not fifty-seven, chill- it really isn't so old! I feel young as a spring chicken, whatever that means.
It's pint night and I get to go, finally! This semester has been so life sucking that I haven't been to the weekly ritual of $2 beers at the Surf Club since March. Problem is, I am really tired and not really feeling it, but my friend who I am meeting there in an hour is phone-less, so I have no choice!
My dogs really wanna go for a walk right now. Last time I tried to make them wait, my carpet got seriously defiled, seriously. So, it looks like I am outta time.
