More pics of my pier.

One last old bad poem!

(my dr. suess impersonation)

I am trying hard to be the person I am.
There is more to life than this place where I stand.
and dead end jobs and cars that don't go...
Life should be bigger it can always grow!

Other countries, new people but, never forget old friends.
Good wine, delicious food and happiness in the end.
Swim all the oceans
Jump out of a plane
Live with my heart
Hope people will think I'm insane.

Love intensely. Forgive easily and never hold a grudge.
Listen to others when they speak.
Dance with strangers cheek to cheek.

Make love in the rain, any chance that I get.
Let go of the pain; it doesn't mean I have to forget.

Live for the moment-
do it all for the sake of having done it all...
Just jump in without looking-
sometimes we all need a good fall.

Break a few bones.
Discover new bars,
Fall madly in love!
And hopefully,
acquire a few interesting scars...

Stay up all night-
if the chance arises.
Be open to suggestions,
life can pack some surprises!

Never drink the same beer in the same bar night after night.
LIVE, LIVE, LIVE, LIVE,
with all of your might!!!!!!

Be who you want-
stay true to the soul-
Live for the moment...
and let the Universe fill in all those sad, empty holes.

this is where i live.

it is ok to be a little jealous.

What I want from the universe.

So many people want money and power; and I say this is a crappy thing. It makes me sick and depressed. People, and I mean people in positions of power, will actually kill or command the deaths of thousands; just for this sacred money and/or power; those dirty mother f'ers.

So then, what do I want? Am I wrongly self righteous ?

Let 's examine...

I want:

-to live near a beach and an ocean. the less polluted the better. also the more affordable the better.

-my doggies to be healthy and happy. to provide them with the life I promised them when i adopted them.

-to become more educated. life is a quest for knowledge and the older I get, the more I should realize how little I truly know

-to be in perfect shape. I am no saint; I am vain as hell.

-to radiate happiness. I wish to live in a way that may inspire others to allow themselves to accept happiness.

-to make a difference in the world. Maybe I can help preserve our poor natural resources by studying environmental science. I sure hope so!!!

-I really wanna learn to play the blues and sang them!!!

hmm... and a nice bottle of wine from time to time wouldn't hurt!

Things to ponder.

Things to ponder this evening:

why palmetto bugs (aka giant nasty roaches) only appear in my apartment when it is most inconvenient?

why having a cocktail after waiting tables all night is so nice?

why sometime I just really want to smoke a cigarette when it is such a disgusting, smelly, carcinogenic activity?

why a group of people can have a perfectly lovely evening dining at an establishment and leave their server, a struggling student, who in no way wronged them a five dollar tip on a $150 tab?

why my doggies are so lovable?

why blueberries make such a good daiquiri when blended with vodka?

why most people can't just be happy and enjoy the world, but will instead spend their lives hurting other people for their own financial gain?

why isn't every single person on this planet more concerned with our environment?

how anyone can go through with suicide when "tomorrow is always another day"? (i quote, the lovely, miss scarlet here)

how can there be hope for the future?

will i ever wear a size two again, comfortably?

really, why would anyone waste their life pursuing power and money when happiness and daiquiris exist?

hmmm......

My sappiest poem ever!!!

The world spins
it always wins.
No reason to fight
just give in to your life.

Every moment- so precious.
Each day- a new chance.

Savor the flavors
indulge in a dance.

Love those who care
forget those who won't.
Live your life on the edge.
Breathe in the "do"s- exhale the "don't"s

Take a minute for you
or an hour
a whole day!
Forget all your troubles-
let time just whittle away!

Embrace something you love
and then let it go
You will always have the memory
and inside you will always know
that things change, time passes...
and suddenly YOU'RE OLD
Forget the hurt and all your pain
Don't let you life make you grow cold.

Do it yourself waxing...

Hmm... bad idea? Probably.

Yep, it was.

But, I think the skin will grow back.

My bad poetry knows no limits...

I can't help it; I write the sillliest poems, and I cannot stop! This has been a life long affliction; maybe I should find a support group...

This follows up my last post- I wrote this one of my first nights here.

"Gulf Coast Night"

Another Gulf coast, summer night,

The warm wind blows into my soul,

I take my time and I feel alright,

As the world goes on- and out of control.

I don’t know where I’m going-

And I don’t really care.

I’ve got all I’ve ever wanted- right here.

Finally, gave up on life- in the city

Too much gone wrong- too much nitty gritty.

I’ve got two paychecks in the bank

And lots of time to sit and think

I got my dogs at my side

I got my self and my new beach ride

It’s a baby blue cruiser bike and I ride her along the bay

She is so pretty, little kids point at us and we savor the day.

And we don’t know where we’re going-

And we don’t really care.

We’ve got all we ever wanted- right here.

People here, they don’t know what they got

Taken for granted with no second thought

Rush along, busy, busy, busy…

Take some time and love the city.

It’s not too big

And there’s the charm

No traffic jams

No car alarms

Waking you up at four AM

Go to bed and get up again…

Thoughts on Corpus Christi

View out of my french doors.

Written during one of first weeks here:

Thoughts on Corpus Christi:

I am happy here.

People drive fast- which I wouldn’t have expected because it seems like a laid back beach town. However, I have noticed that people appear to go at least ten miles over the posted speed limit and are super frustrated when I don’t.

Most people who live here don’t like it here; they act like they live in a shit town. This may be where it gets its reputation for being a shit town from. People always react the same way, “Why would you move here- especially from Austin?” I guess the grass is always greener…

The wind feels alive here. Maybe that is one of the reasons I feel I need to live in a coastal area- wind. It blows and caresses me on calm days. It brings a storm in without a moments notice. It has energy and life. It breathes into my soul. It carries the timeless song of the ocean to me. It revives me.

silly girl.

I have pretty nice fingernails.

They grow really long and I always feel that they help to feminize my large, muscular and, well, scarred hands.

I really like my hands and enjoy this contrast of capable masculinity with dainty femininity.

My nails have been really long lately and I have been loving the fact that I wasn't breaking them at work...

So,

How is it possible that I have been waiting tables for two months now; and I finally break a nail- opening a package of notebook paper for school?

Oh, the cruel irony!

:)

work... bleh.

I cannot believe I am awake.

I survived 14 hours in restaurant hell and I should be getting my well earned beauty sleep, but my mind won't shut off.

I am currently attempting a wine based solution to the problem; enhanced with melatonin. Hopefully, we will see results soon.

It is so bizarre to work so hard for money. Compared to what I used to do to make money- serving people food is a lot of freakin' work!!! I do enjoy it though. Honestly, I would rather be where I am now; and waiting tables than banking at a desk. The computer was sucking the life outta me- I swear. I feel much more alive these days.

I am so happy for the universe guiding me to where I belong.

Now if only I could sleep...

Crazy, skinny poem

My favorite poem ever:

"zero."

I must be smaller. I must be better.
I must be perfect. I must get skinnier.

The purpose of life is thinner thighs,
a firmer ass and six pack abs.

In order to matter and not just to be
it is essential that I wear a size three
and try to be like her on TV-
Not like myself,
I don't like me.

I don't eat this. I won't drink that.
I will exist on water and eliminate all fats.

I'll keep my eye on the goal to stay in the game-
always have my rear end in view,
and one day I'll be a size two.

But, it is not enough- so exercise,
take those pills and sweat and cry.
Slim fast, cut back, power bar, try too hard...
Try to fight the cellulite.
Huff and puff, ride the bike,
Concentrate- warp my mind.

Overdo.
Undereat.
Eliminate carbs.
Forget to cheat.

Skip some meals with my over-sized head.
Run in place until I shed
those last five pounds
I may fall down and hit the ground-
but, I have almost won,
my life has meaning,
I AM SIZE ONE!!!!!

Not the time has come,
to separate the real women from the girls...
I'll jam my finger down my throat and make myself hurl.
Laxatives, celebrity diets,
new exercise craze?
It's time to try it!
Cosmo says this,
and I wanna be her in People magazine.
I am insane, but damn I'm lean!
I haven't eaten solid food in a week and I feel like a hero-
The doctors say I may die tomarrow-
BUT I MADE IT TO SIZE ZERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

indulging in a sad mood tonight...

There are days, well usually nights, when I fall into a mood; it is a bad one. It is all consuming and, at times, frightening. And no one knows about it anymore. The person who guided me through these nights experienced much more intense moods than I and succumbed to death's seductive call earlier this month.

I wish I could have led him to safety as he did for me so many dark times. Not knowing him better is something I will actually admit to regretting in life. And I usually say I live with no regrets (which is a load of crap and we all know it!!!).

I miss you Sean; the world is far worse without you.

More bad poetry (why!)...

"It's ok"

The trash is overflowing again.
It always is.

The pile of dishes in the sink overwhelms me and I pretend that it's not there.
I can't ever seem to get to class,
I really hate one of my jobs,
and I don't have any clean socks...

I am always skipping
work, class, appointments,
but I still never have time for myself.

They won' t let em dye my hair blue,
and there is no time to workout.

I'm getting older; but it happens to us all.
I'm getting fatter; Hey, I'll just buy new pants...
I don't have time to learn new guitar chords,
and I still can't sing on key;
so it seems I will never be a rock star...

I have no time, baby.
No time at all.
But, I'll always make time for you;
You make it worth the trouble to be alive
and you make me laugh.
I never get to sleep.

Sometimes I can't remember what day it is-
but, I love it when you stay awake to watch me fall asleep,
even though I am too tired to stay awake with you.

So, in the end-
it's worth it all.
Let the trash fall on the floor- what do I care?
If there's no clean cups- then I'll just drink a beer!

I am going insane,
growing increasingly scatterbrained...
but at least you are here-

and for a moment-
it's all ok.

Depressed poetry (old School)

"here"

Here I am again, lost in time.
Trying to find a reason and trying to write a rhyme.

Trying to find a reason not to want to die.
Trying to find a way to prevent my inevitable night time cry.

What's left for me in your world?
What's left of you in mine?

There's nothing left-
except delusions,
eluding me with time.