I have nothing remotely compelling in my head, so here are a few random thoughts for the day:
And still the "I can't believe you're THAT old thing!" continues! Dude, it's twenty-six, not fifty-seven, chill- it really isn't so old! I feel young as a spring chicken, whatever that means.
It's pint night and I get to go, finally! This semester has been so life sucking that I haven't been to the weekly ritual of $2 beers at the Surf Club since March. Problem is, I am really tired and not really feeling it, but my friend who I am meeting there in an hour is phone-less, so I have no choice!
My dogs really wanna go for a walk right now. Last time I tried to make them wait, my carpet got seriously defiled, seriously. So, it looks like I am outta time.
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!!" ;)
Moderately distraught with el Universo (definitely not real Spanish).
Radio plays this song. I jam it. Loved it as a kid. Had a dance to it and everything.
Oddly lyrics ring sadly true.
Video and lyrics below:
Video = awesome eighties-ness. And I have watched it at least fifteen times. If you are envisioning a girl with a cocktail, smoking cigarettes and singing this song teary eyed you are on the right track.
Heart and Soul - T'pau (Something in the moonlight catches my eye The shadow of a lover goes dancing by Looking for a little bit of love to grow, so Give me love, give me heart and soul You never let me cross to the other side now I'm tied to the hope that you will somehow Hard on the heels of something more When I lost your love, heart and soul The tear in my heart as you walk on by) More than an ocean, (I feel so low and your head is high Everything you do convinces me more) Keeps us apart. (Please, give me love, give me heart and soul Looking to the day when I saw your face) I feel a tearing in half of my heart. (I wasn't in the running, I wasn't in the race You moved in a way that I've known before Now I want your love, heart and soul)
(Tired eyes, tears that dried) Leaving you ain't easy now, (On the bed, on the pillow, where the love has died) But loving you's the harder part. (A turn of the key, through the door you go) You never want me for myself, (Don't look back, to hurt me more) And I've needed you right from the very start. (Everything you said was to the point Can't you try to) Oh, won't you even try to:
Give a little bit of heart and soul. (Give a little bit of heart and soul) Give a little bit of love to grow. Give a little bit of heart and soul, (Give a little bit of heart and soul) And don't you make me beg for love. (Must I beg you) Give a sign 'cos' I need to know. A little bit of heart and soul. (Walking on the water, walking on the air)
A walk on the water, (That was the heart of the love we shared Do you keep a secret left untold) Is all that I need. (That you can't give love, heart or soul I used to have a lover with a Midas touch) But miracles are not happening. (I turned to gold but he turned to dust Left me for another, I turned to stone Now give me love, heart and soul) (Tired eyes, tears that dried) Living in a fantasy, (On the bed, on the pillow, where you told your lies) There's never any room to breath. (A turn of the key, and my blood runs cold) Hoping every waking hour, (Don't look back to hurt me more) You'll turn around and say that we can start. (Everything you did just said it all Can't you try to) Won't you even try to:
Give a little bit of heart and soul. (Give a little bit of heart and soul.) Give a little bit of love to grow. Give a little bit of heart and soul, (Give a little bit of heart and soul.) And don't you make me beg for love. (Must I beg you) Give a sign 'cos' I need to know. A little bit of heart and soul.
Somehow I lost my way, Looking to see something in your eyes. But love will never compromise. Now this is the politics of life, yeah!
Give a little bit of heart and soul. (Give a little bit of heart and soul) Give a little bit of love to grow. Give a little bit of heart and soul, (Give a little bit of heart and soul) And don't you make me beg for love. (Must I beg you?) Give a sign I need to know. A little bit, a little bit. Give a little bit of heart and soul. (Give a little bit of heart and soul) Give a little bit of love to grow. Give a little bit of heart and soul, (Give a little bit of heart and soul) And don't you make me beg for love. (Must I beg you?) Give a sign I need to know. A little bit, a little bit.
Just wanted to circulate a little poetry throughout the wonder of the Universe this afternoon.
April makes me think of Seans, yeah plural. One died the eleventh and one's birthday should've been the twentieth. Sad fates met far too soon for such kind people.
On gorgeous Spring days, I do wish I could show them how beautiful the world and life truly is, but alas, I missed my chance at that. The sky is so blue it makes me want to cry for lack of words to describe its beauty. The palm trees rustle for me in the wind and mimic the sound of waves crashing on a sandy shore. I breathe easily, lightly. Smiles come readily to my lips and eyes. I always hope that as I age, I develop those great laugh lines that testify to the world that life has been lived well and thoroughly enjoyed.
Tears come easily also, but not in the mad rush of emptiness; just a fallen drop or two bringing the bittersweet knowledge that life is to be treasured not endured. Had I only spread those words to the world sooner... who knows?
I do believe with conviction that things happen as they should; hard as that can be to stomach in situations like these. For whatever purpose, sometimes the good truly do die young and for what means? I doubt I will ever know.
If nothing else, I can say what they will miss, makes me appreciate what I still get to experience. The world is open to me. I get to try and drink every wine, dance every song and taste every flavor out there.
And maybe if I do it with enough zeal while keeping them in my heart, their spirits will get to do the things they didn't.
Now the poetry, a little Sat afternoon Buk:
1. For Jane
225 days under grass and you know more than I. they have long taken your blood, you are a dry stick in a basket. is this how it works? in this room the hours of love still make shadows.
when you left you took almost everything. I kneel in the nights before tigers that will not let me be.
what you were will not happen again. the tigers have found me and I do not care.
2. Cause and Effect
the best often die by their own hand just to get away, and those left behind can never quite understand why anybody would ever want to get away from them
Now remember:
Unbeing dead isn't being alive. ~e.e. cummings
So, live and let my message to the world today be, please don't kill yourself because once you do, you are dead and that sucks for everybody. :)
"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." ~Elwyn Brooks White
I love my apartment way too much. It's a gorgeous day and I really should go to the beach, but with the french doors open, I can see the water and feel the breeze without driving thirty minutes. It's like being at the beach without going anywhere. Ha ha, I should download some ocean sounds, that would complete the experience. I can even get tanned inside my apartment because my futon is in the sun for most of the early afternoon.
This semester is killing me. I am just sick to death of being behind and not really wanting to catch up. It's hard for me to get amped up about things that appear as abstract as general chemistry. It's never going to be important in my life or research, so how do I get excited to study for this grade determining exam next Friday?
Oh well, there is only three weeks left. Now, it's getting down to the wire. There will be many tests, trial and tribulations, but come May 15, you will find me in New Orleans, sippin' on a 32 oz daiquiri in the French quarter. Hells yeah. ;)
It is the most gorgeous day outside, but I am suffering from severe, post-test laziness. I wanna take my new surf board out for a spin or go running with my doggies, but here I sit, on the couch, blinds drawn... complete buminess.
I also have two research papers to finish by Sunday and a moderately dirty, post test apartment to clean, but...
nope, still not doing anything. Too lazy.
I guess this is the aftermath from only sleeping two hours Thursday night because of last minute cramming.
My internet has been going off and on ever since I first set it up in August of last year. This was no big deal because my neighbor had wireless which worked in my apartment most of the time and that was good enough for me. And then said neighbor moved... sad day indeed.
I woke up from a sound sleep about thirty minutes ago and I don't know why. I have always felt slightly less than comfortable here at my dad's house. I just feel like there are restless spirits or sociopaths roaming the neighborhood.
It is crazy windy outside which lends itself to my "something is brewing" suspicions because things every where are creaking and scraping. The wind here does not yield the same delicious magic as it does in Corpus. Things here aren't accustomed to it and everything sounds horror movie-esque.
As if crazy insomnia weren't enough- it is coupled with crazy bad thoughts. Lovely.
Nighty night...
or not.
Ah, there goes the squeaky front door again... Nice - looks like I am not sleeping.
The wind picked up this evening; it's so alive here. It whips around you as if to say, "Come on! Let's go! I am carrying life! Catch me!"
It makes me want to do pirouettes on my balcony- too bad I don't actually have one.
The artist, sometimes known as Prince, sings to me this evening- I always wonder, what seven will fall? and why? Hopefully, I am not one of them! Maybe I am one of the "young so educated they never grow old"? ;)
A star twinkles and winks at me- I blow a kiss back at the Universe and offer a humble, "Thank you."
I realize, I don't know the words to "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" any longer. Ah, there goes youth right out the french doors and into the wind. I can, however, recite The Lorax and The Walrus and the Carpenter, and surely that counts for something, somewhere.
It's been an odd week. Things have been out of line in my universe... My sister bore a child whom I have yet to meet, but am excited to know soon. And I was happy, but sick.
I feel so at peace here, with the wind. It's like bad things can't linger because they just get blown away. This gives me hope as Spring approaches. Spring has been a rough time of year for me for a long time now- it reminds me of death.
I like how palm trees bend with the wind, it just brushes off their backs and there they stand so straight- never bending in the garish ways of the more rigid oak. I want to be a palm tree- stand tall in the wind of life and let it all just float away...
Why does it always happen that things get procrastinated until they just can't be pushed back any longer?
It is five... in the morning and, nope, I am not just waking up to study- I am still up studying!
I am officially insane! I had all last weekend and all week to study- hell, I had all last week too! But, no, here I am - getting my learn on when I should be fast asleep in my heavenly bed. I had to go to the beach, have a party and go on long bike rides.
Well, put in that perspective, it's worth it! I just hope I can pull off A's on the two tests I have tomorrow. The first tests in a class always make me nervous because you don't really know what to expect.
Well, it's five and my first Organic Chemistry test is a mere six hours away! **Don't Panic!** Back to the books-
