Homesick for a home.

People say that, "Home is where the heart is," but what do you do when your heart is spread all over the place?

I believe as we age, we discover ourselves piece by piece and eventually we become an amalgamation of the sum of these discoveries; eventually if we try hard enough we get to know who we really are at our cores. Every discovery includes a decision: Stay or go? Stand or fall? Jump in headfirst or not at all? What kind of person am I? We choose and our lives are the sum of our choices. The person we have created then lives in the world we created and leads the life we have chosen. This all leads us back to our warm, fuzzy, safe place we call home.


Well for the last few years, I have been feeling homesick for a home. Most twenty-somethings probably can relate. Changing apartments, cities, jobs, schools; at what point do we get to say, "This is it, I am home." Home- it's more than a place, it's a feeling and I believe we do know where it is or where to find it, instinctively. Family and loves are spread all over the country, but thanks to the miracles of technology they can still be a part of our lives. We can now choose our homes knowing that, yes, we will meet again some bright, shiny day.

I have made my little apartment into my nest, my home, and I love being there. My heart is there and I feel at peace. I miss it when I am away. It's nice to leave home and go visiting, but it will be wondrous to return to where my heart is because I have found me a home...
;)

Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone-

I am in Austin, drinking coffee spiked with Irish cream and hanging out with the family.

Man, I really love these people. My sisters are funny, beautiful, intelligent, amazing friends. One is currently incubating a nephew to be named, Connor. My dad is the kindest, most thoughtful, most giving and most fun loving man who maintains his amazing spirit whilst working too hard for too many years. He loves his family a lot and he would do anything for us. My brother in law is farther testament to how great of a guy my dad is; my sister only settled for the best! He is a wonderful person and I am so glad he has joined our family! My dad's lady is awesome too- but she has her own family stuff and won't be over until dinner tonight.

Mom and the littlest sister are far away in El Paso which is a bummer- but today I am thankful for who I have here and cannot believe how lucky I am to call these folks family!

Gotta go help make peppermint ice cream.

Merry Christmas from the family!
:)

Opps!

He always steals my drinks and it drives me crazy! He seems to think that whatever I have is better than what he's got. It drives me crazy!

Sometimes I make limeade for him; fresh lime juice, ice, water and Splenda.

He came to visit me on Sunday, his birthday. He got food poisoning Monday afternoon and has been sick ever since. I made him limeade this evening and he drank it all. Then he came into the kitchen a few hours later to see how the chicken and dumplings was coming along.

He saw my glass on the counter. He thought it was limeade and tried to steal a great big gulp-

BUT-

it was a margarita, a strong one at that.

Poor baby.

Opps!

I couldn't help but to laugh...

Take that chemisty!

Grades finally came in-

four A's and one B! I am pretty excited because it was a really hard semester- with all the money stress and adjusting to moving.

But in the end, it didn't turn out too badly.

I am a little scared for next semester because I will have Chem 2 and Organic Chemistry. Sounds a little scary!

(Damn Chemistry.)

Long Distance Sucks Ass, Happy Birthday Chris and other things...

Yeah, that's right I said it sucks ass; not exactly the eloquence I was striving for when I started this blog, but truer words have never been uttered. It has been over a year of long distance, so far, and who knows how many are left? There is no end in sight, our tunnel has no flicker of light right now; just total, complete, ass-sucking darkness.

There are days I know we both want to just throw it all away and give up. We get tired of missing each other and try to be mad at each other. It doesn't work though- because by now, we both realize that inside we are mad at the situation and the distance, not at each other.

It's his birthday and I wanted to be with him, but we had communication break downs and for the first time in years, we didn't wake up in the same bed on his birthday. Well, maybe we didn't last year either, but we left the next day for a week long cruise, so it kinda softened the blow.

Every year that passes I watch as he changes into the most amazing man. When we first started dating again, he was this body-building, Jagermiester chugging, frat boy with aspirations of corporate, white-collar dominance. Now, he is a health obsessed, coffee chugging, grown up man with his own budding business where he creates things with his two skillful hands.

Some things never change- he is still the most handsome and messiest person I have ever known, which luckily for him, tend to balance each other out.
;)

There is no one else on earth for whom I would endure an endless, ass-sucking, long-distance relationship for, but him and I cannot wait to observe what new amazing talents his 26th year will bring him.

Bad day.

It is a freakin' gorgeous day here in Corpus Christi, but I have ceased enjoying it due to the following things:

I packed, but I am not moving.

Miscommunication abounds and causes heartache.

I don't wanna rehang all fifty thousand pictures I took off my wall.

The maintenance man still has not come to fix my kitchen light which makes it Day Six without light in there.

And then I discovered chicken "juice" had oozed out of the package and all over fridge- ruining a few other items and creating a fun, unsanitary mess for me to clean up in the semi-darkness of my kitchen!

Miscommunication abounds and causes heartache.

Boo to today!

:(

I am gonna try and shake it off and move on, but I am really worried because I don't know if it'll all shake off. I sure hope so.

Bittersweet Symphony- part two.

Ha ha, I packed all night only to find out I am not moving anymore.

Wait that's not funny- that sucks!

Well, it's kinda funny.

Now, I get to spend my weekend- unpacking.

My friend wants to move in January, to save money; which I can understand. I just can't guarantee her I will be willing to move in January, especially after I finish unpacking again.

Maybe if the apartment in January is waterfront, maybe then, I would be willing to pack again.
;)

~Bittersweet Symphony~

Suddenly I am moving! Very soon; maybe Monday at the latest!

Sadly, I looove my apartment. It is perfect. Good sized, airy kitchen. French doors with palm trees out side of them. Solitude and relaxation abound. Quiet times and peacefulness. Ahhh....

In an effort to save money, I have been half-assed "looking" for a roommate for a few months- and well, I found one. My poor friend, Katie, got burglarized at her place and has a very understandable, intense desire to move somewhere safer.

So, I pack; a little grudgingly, but I know it is for the best and will be really fun!

I will miss my place, but I bet I will grow to love "our" place soon enough!

The times they are a changin'

The Aftermath-

I woke up this morning with this taunting me from the fridge:







I think you can almost see my stomach my mouth is open so wide.








Here I made them give me attitude.

Because it is raining-

*I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 4 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments... what is it?
1. Produce ---> blackberries
2. Bakery ---> some kind of crusty bread
3. Meat ---> New York strip
4. Frozen ---> whole wheat, thin crust Digorno pizza

* Let's say we're heading out for a weekend getaway. You're only allowed to bring 3 articles with you. So, what's in your bag?
1. bikini
2. jeans
3. toothbrush

* If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 5 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?
1. This is killing my low carb diet.
2. I need to study Chemistry.
3. I wish you were here now.
4. I miss you.
5. Do you girls wanna go for a walk?

* So, what 3 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn't get to do, you'd probably be in a pretty irritable/bad mood?
1. brush my teeth
2. snuggle with doggies
3. drink tea

* What are 3 things that you have in your room that have been with you for
the longest amount of time?
1. picture from New Years 2000
2. grandmother' engagement ring
3. picture from going out in Mexico at age 19

* You're driving down the road and suddenly you're hit with this sense of road rage. What 3 factors probably contributed to it?
1. someone is driving like they are drunk and freaking me out
2. people stopping at the yield signs on the access roads here
3. someone is tail gaiting me, when the passing lane is wide open

* Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We're talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?
1. reading
2. cooking
3. taking a long bubble bath
4. doing yoga
5. hanging out in my robe

* We're going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?
1. monkeys
2. giraffes
3. tigers

* You just scored tickets to the taping of any show of your choice. You can pick between 3, so what are you deciding between?
1. Daily Show
2. The Colbert Report
3. Saturday Night Live

*You're hungry for ice cream. I'll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?

1. lime ice
2. strawberry ice
3. mango ice

* Somebody stole your purse/wallet… in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?
1. blue America Eagle wallet
2. Burts bees chap stick
3. digital camera
4. cell phone
5. another burts bees chap stick

* You are at a job fair, and asked what areas you are interested in pursuing a career in. Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever
you wanted, so what 5 careers would be fun for you?
1. Chef
2. wedding planner
3. National Geographic Journalist
4. pilot
5. para-rescue jumper

* If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were a teenager and tell yourself 4 things, what would they be?
1. Don't be scared to talk to people, they are usually really nice!
2. Pay attention in your science classes, please!
3. Pay attention to the people around you and their needs; you can help them.
4. Enjoy having no responsibility. (stole this one)

I tag Sara and Meredith.

Celebrate we will....

..for life is short but sweet for certain!
:)
I love to throw parties. ~LOVE~ <3 I considered a career in it!

So, I am having an end of semester, girl only dinner party tomorrow night-and I wanted to show off my crafti-ness.

Here is my work from tonight- place cards and centerpieces... I am such a dork, but I love doing stuff like this-

















The menu is steak with a balsamic reduction sauce, fettiucini alfredo, green beans, sangria, mango-raspberry margaritas and cheesecake with a mango sauce and fresh raspberries. Mmmm... it is time to celebrate the end of the semester, surviving six months in a new city and making some new friends. And hopefully passing Chemistry!) Wish I could have everyone over from all over the country! Maybe some day!

Sunday, bloody mary Sunday.

I have my two hardest finals tomorrow, Chemistry and Biology. I also have enough of a hang over that I can't study, at all.

I admit, it was irresponsible to drink margaritas last night, but my friend had boy problems and my margarita making skills were called into action. I created some lovely raspberry 'ritas and some even more delectable mango ones! Mmmmm....

I may be a bad student, but I am a good friend always willing to take one for the team!
;)

(Margaritas always fix the men troubles....)

25 About the 25th

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

I love wrapping presents! Especially when I can put gift tags, bows, ribbons, photographs or ornaments on them to decorate! I am my mom's official present wrapper; she has me wrap my own gifts sometimes... I like metallic papers or ones that look retro. Target usually has the coolest wrapping paper around!

2. Real tree or artificial?

I have a fake, pre-lit, 2 footer in my apartment. It actually seems kinda sad this year- maybe it'll look happier once I put some presents under it. I like any tree, so long as it's bright, sparkle-y and festive!

3. When do you put up the tree?
After I relax from Thanksgiving- usually the next weekend.

4. When do you take the tree down?

Usually after New Year's Eve, by then I am ready to have my house back to normal!

5. Do you like eggnog?

I don't think "like" is quite strong enough to describe my feelings for the nectar of the gods.

6. Favorite gift received?

Boots, for the last three years. I can't wait to see what kind he finds this year!
;)
When I was little, I got a Garfield tent, that could be put up inside and a Garfield nightgown. I pretty much lived in that tent wearing that nightgown until Summer.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?

No, but I have reindeer ears and Santa hats for my poor puppies!

8. Hardest person to buy for?

Sean, my sister's husband. He started out as easy, but he loved what I got him for his birthday and Christmas the last few years- so, now I have to maintain the streak- and the pressure is intense!

9. Easiest person to buy for?

Switches every year. This year I lucked out for two of my sisters; dunno now what to get the youngest one though...

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

Toe socks! Yuck- it just feels so wrong!

11. Do you have a favorite ornament on your tree?

I have a few favorites... the dolphin and penguin are no brainers. I have a Santa wearing camo that reminds me of Chris' dad. A old lady dancing holding a banner that says, "Let's Celebrate Life!". And the dogs old name tags. Those are the top contenders!

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?

Die Hard? The original Grinch. Oh!!!! Scrooged!!!!!!!!! I love that movie!

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

I squeeze it in throughout December.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

I don't think so.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Eggnog, cookies, lasagna

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?

I like colored; it looks so festive!

17. Favorite Christmas song?

Hands down- "Merry Christmas from the Family" by Robert Earl Keen. "Santa Baby" is a distant second.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

I like how we can fit a week long vacation between school letting out for Chris' birthday and be home on Christmas Eve. I think that is the best plan. This year, I still don't know. I would like to be at home with Chris and the puppies and all our families- but, everyone is so spread out that it has ceased to be possible.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Chubby, Drunky, Flirty, Meanie and Rudolph... right?
;)

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?

I have a star. It is crooked, but I love how festive (again!) it looks.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning of Christmas?

One on Christmas Eve and the rest... ridiculously early Christmas morning.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?

Traffic around shopping areas. Crowds...

23. Does Santa leave gifts wrapped or unwrapped?

Wrapped unless they are too big.

24. Do you leave cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve?

Yes, of course. Maybe this year I will leave him something more diet friendly?

25. What's your favorite Christmas memory?

Drunkenly singing "Merry Christmas from the Family" with Chris in our cabin last year at the top of our lungs in the middle of the night was really fun! Also, the first Christmas my baby sister didn't puke on me was a happy one also (it was year #3).

I think Tyly and Meredith need to do this still. I think Cassie tagged Meredith already, but now I double tag her!
:)

Oh my god!

I got the amazing scholarship even with the horrifically bad interview.

Wow.

Now, I am dumbfounded again, but this time with joy; which is infinitely better!

Wow.

The Pudding Incident, part one.

I had an interview for an amazing scholarship on Thursday. It went... well horrifically bad. I felt like Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents~ it was as if my mouth and my brain were not connected- or even acquainted with each other!

The format of the interview made no sense to me: I was never given an opportunity to introduce myself or shake their hands, they never asked any "interview" questions. They just started telling me about the scholarship program- and it sounds so incredible, I am basically drooling. They are talking to me as though I have the scholarship; so I relax a little. This goes on for about 40 minutes. Then they say, "Tell us a little about yourself." So, I tell them a little- maybe two sentences- then they ask,"Oh, we had a question about your application essay; we are afraid you only want the money?"

I now have the most dumbfounded look possible on my face. I sputter... I have no idea what they are talking about. I ask for clarification; so they read me a paragraph which I thought was answering the prompt which was, "How would the scholarship affect me?"... well, I wrote the wrong answer apparently! I don't, at the time, understand what they are fishing for? I don't know what the answer is- so, I tell some completely unrelated story about wanting to do research- which I am pretty sure, scores no points.

Then they ask, "We see you used to work at Landry's. Why don't you anymore?"

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck...... Seriously, why did I even put that crap hole on my application? I tried in vain to explain thirteen hour shifts on Saturday ending at 2 a.m. and having to work the next day at 9:30 a.m. - and then it was hard to study enough- without just calling the place a crap hole- well, my strategy did NOT work. They follow this question with, "Well, if you couldn't balance working there and school, how will you find time to do your research?"

More sputtering on my part. I think I was about as eloquent as, "Uhhhhhh.... I like.... uh, well, I think... no I know, no... ahhhh.... uhhhh... ummmm.... I just will. I don't think it will be a problem."

**Niiiiiice. Very well said**

Then they asked me to write out my schedule for next semester while they talked about Christmas trees over my head and then it was over. I literally stumble out, tripping over the chair and my briefcase. No handshakes again- just a "We'll let ya know."

*sigh*

I send what I hope it a well written email thanking them for the interview and attempt to do some damage control in the email, but for all I know it is in vain- I will know next week. I do not feel good about this scholarship- I want to be a part of this program so much- I can't even explain it in words... apparently.

*bigger sigh*

Ahhh!

I am such a bad friend right now:

I read, but I don't comment. I listen to messages, but I don't return calls. I laugh at texts, and then forget to reply.

Sorry world- it is end of semester stupidity.

I have an interview tomorrow- for a scholarship- a big one~ I am so scared.

That's all I got for now.

Ahhh!

Trying to study.

This Thanksgiving didn't thrill me; it felt hectic and lonely. My whole family wasn't close to together, I didn't see any of my friends and it got cold- I also didn't get to cook anything!
~ "Boo!!!" to all of the above.

The best part was that I did have one glorious evening where Chris and I stayed at a hotel in San Antonio. We checked in around six right when the cold front was blowing in, then we just watched Law and Order all night and relaxed- very nice. If I could have had a few more nights of that it would have been a lovely vacation! Next year, I must find a way to make this Thanksgiving commute of lunch in San Antonio and dinner in Austin more bearable.

I have two tests Monday, starting around 2 pm. I need to study like crazy, but I don't want to leave Del Rio, or more specifically Chris, yet. It's hard to study though, since I am not at home. I cannot wait for the next two weeks to pass and then school is over!!! I think there are like 16 days left- and then over 1 month of freedom!

Just gotta hang in there a little longer...

Love is...

-discovering you are watching the same Lifetime movie as your boyfriend after you had been talking during commercials for the last hour and a half.
;)

I love lazy, rainy weekends!

Of course, not all the time- but it is so satisfying to just relaaaaaaxxxx.... all day!

Fifty things about me.

This is for Tyly- a new project for everyone- fifty random facts about yourself. It is really hard!

1. I like to cook barefoot while listening to the blues.
2. I make an awesome lasagna- as does everyone in my family.
3. I love my comfy bed (thank you down comforter).
4. I love fantasy movies and historical romances.
5. I am afraid I may not like wine anymore- or maybe I only like expensive wine now.
6. I like to drink most of my favorite beers warmish.
7. I have hated Tom Cruise since Interview with a Vampire came out.
8. I can only watch one or two seasons of most shows before I quit caring (excluding S&TC and South Park).
9. I can't concentrate well enough to read every word in a book- so, I read by remembering quotable sections.
10. I have seen every episode of South Park and I love Chris even more because he has also.
11. I read a book when I was little, which said to learn to flirt a girl should observe Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind; now when I see that movie I think, so that's what happened to me!
12. I love, love, love Gone with the Wind and I cry every time Atlanta burns and every time that Rhett leaves for London.
13. Children of the Corn was the first scary movie I ever saw- and I still don't like corn fields and will never watch it again. Evil children are just so wrong!
14. Good lord, do I love enchiladas, nachos, tacos and a good margarita!
15. I don't exercise enough- I like to, but I just never get around to it.
16. I am way into Jimmy Buffett- it makes me so sad that Chris isn't.
17. I mimic people's accents when I speak to them; not on purpose, I just do.
18. I am the worst channel changer in the world.
19. I love Jennifer Garner- she gives me warm fuzzies. (13 Going on 30 rocks!)
20. I hate televised sporting events. I think they are loud and boring. I trace this hatred back to my dad turning off Nickelodeon for football.
21. I have a crazy love for bamboo and dolphins.
22. I can't throw out blue glass- it is just too beautiful.
23. I take a crazy amount of pictures. I can't stop myself. It gets annoying. Sorry.
24. I hated the food in Spain.
25. I order steak rare or medium rare; if there is no blood, it's not for me.
26. I don't remember the last time I had a good steak; it has been a while.
27. I like to cook for people; it is a way I show love.
28. I don't want to bear children, ever since I was little it has terrified me.
29. I want to go on vacation with Chris because I love to experience new things with him -hint hint ; )
30. I imagine myself becoming an amazing blues guitarist someday, but I don't have the will power to practice everyday.
31. I want to learn to fly a plane, jump out of a plane, type without looking, waltz like Cinderella and kick some serious ass.
32. I hate wearing jewelry; I feeel like it is really uncomfortable. I guess, it is just not my style.
33 is my favorite number. It was my older sister's favorite number, but I really love it also.
34. I can recite the Walrus and the Carpenter, the Lorax, the Jabberwocky and a few random Shakespeare scenes.
35. I love Geography and maps. I am a nerd.
36. I think my sister's wedding was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
37. I can almost kill a roach in my apartment without making a ridiculous and dramatic scene.
38. Whiskey makes me mean or feisty or something in between (watch out on St. Patrick's Day!).
39. I don't like wearing makeup or heels- they make me uncomfortable.
40. My hair is turning grey and I can't wait! I am also getting wrinkles. I can't believe I am so old!
41. I don't really like to drive- except on road trips.
42. I love potato soup!
43. I get really hungover if I have more than 3 drinks.
44. If you are snoring, I will push you or poke you, I have no mercy.
45. I can't stop cutting my own hair. I don't trust anyone else to do it; even though they do it better, usually.
46. I am obsessed with semi-colons; I use them indiscriminately.
47. I am completely scared of being a failure, but also of succeeding.
48. I currently have a hole in my tooth- where a filling fell out.
49. I am a teeth person- that's what I check out first in guys or people. Love me some purty teef.
50. I think life is about savoring things as much as you can.

I saw a website where they listed 100 things- does anyone even read after 15? (See # 9 again).

He came!

It seemed like it had been forever- and he was three days late because he had been working so hard, but he came to visit! I was so happy!!!!
:)

And then he had to leave again.
:(

Now, only a week until we meet again for Thanksgiving. I am driving to Del Rio next Tuesday night. Then, on Thursday we go to San Antonio to have brunch with Chris' family and then to Austin for an early dinner with my family. After that we have the weekend to spend together and I don't know what our plans are- I was thinking maybe we could go camping if he has time to take off work. I dunno- I love camping in the fall.

My sister is going to the Renaissance Fest near Houston the day after Thanksgiving and she wants us to come. She has a great group of friends who are basically an extension of our family these days that have been going to this thing every Fall for like six - seven years now? I went once, but I didn't camp with them, which they say is the best part, so I guess I missed out. I would love to go camp with them at Ren Fest- but Chris will not yield to my requests- maybe next year?

I am really excited about New Years because we don't have plans yet- any ideas?

What a ride!!!

This quote was on an email I received from a list serve for science majors here at TAMUCC:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!!"

Simply, exchange the Chardonnay for any interesting red wine and you have a part of my life's philosophy.

I have often said that a life without wine and chocolate isn't worth all the trouble. On that note, I think it is time for Rocky Road ice cream and a glass of Pinot Noir. Don't panic- I haven't lost my mind- the ice cream is light...

Side note: "Don't panic"- another integral part of the philosophy (thanks to Douglass Adams).

Which makes me think to mention, on Thursday I am volunteering for the first time at the Texas Marine Mammal Stranding Network and babysitting a dolphin named Alice. Very exciting!!

'I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, sir,' said Alice, 'Because I'm not myself you see.'

So long and thanks for all the fish!

Google-able.

People often tease me because my solution to anything I am unsure of is, "Google it!". I love google. There is an answer to every question. A solution to every riddle. Nothing is unexplainable or impossible.

I have googled myself a few times. When I was 19, there was nothing about me on the world wide web. At 22, there was only the website for a no-budget movie I had a small role in. Now at 25, there is my blog, a few articles I have written for www.corpusbeat.com, and the movie is still there.

Moving up in the world.

There is also some lady who lives near Austin with my name who works for the community college, which adds confusion, but keeps things interesting.

Now if you google Mrs. Cassandra Webb, you discover she is blind, has telepathic powers and is a mutant. The things your friends neglect to tell you about themselves!
;)

What I've Come to Realize:

Tagged by Tyly- but this may end with me because I don't know who else to tag! Maybe I can start a new one and send it around...?

1. I've come to realize that my butt:
is inversely proportional to how much time I spend working out.

2. I've come to realize that I talk :
more when I am happy!

3. I've come to realize that I love:
days when I can be happy just to be~ and the sun ~ and my doggies ~ and the beach ~ family ~ margaritas ~ wine ~ flying!!! ~ travel ~ foooooood~ waltzing!!!!

4. I've come to realize that I have:
no idea how to follow a plan without taking detours.

5. I've come to realize that I lost:
my self consciousness.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when:
I disappoint people I love.

8. I've come to realize that marriage:
won't necessarily kill a person, but it might.
;)

9. I've come to realize that:
there is no point in a pitcher of margaritas without a cohort, usually.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be:
irrational when I am hungry.

11. I've come to realize that I have a crush on:
a real man.

12. I've come to realize that the last time I cried was:
when I remembered how lucky I was to be alive.

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone is:
always set on vibrate (I hate ringtones!).

14. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning:
it's time to take the girls, and my lazy butt, for a run.

15. I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night I:
should spend some time stretching, reading and writing.

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about:
what a great day I had and how much fun tomorrow will be!

17. I've come to realize that babies are:
best when you can hand them back to the owner.
;)

18. I've come to realize that when I get on MySpace:
I don't really expect to see anything too exciting anymore.

19. I've come to realize that today I will:
really enjoy being on the planet.

20. I've come to realize that tonight I will:
drink some pinot noir out of a box~ do pilates ~ and make dog food.

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow I will:
have to be at school at seven AM because I am going to play science teacher at a elementary school for the day.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to:
contribute as much as I can to the health of our world~ but where to start???

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this:
I dunno- I think I am out of people!!! I don't think Rachel Rinehart will do it?

Yoda from Chris.

I am not that into Star Wars, contrary to what some of my blogs may suggest. I haven't seen the new ones more than once. I do love me some Yoda though. Chris posted this on my blog,

“Named must your fear be before banish it you can.”

I honestly don't know if this is all Chris or actual words of Yoda because... well, I am not that into Star Wars.

My fear in life is not being able to be happy. I fear making the wrong choices and that is why I change my mind so often.

How does a person know what is the right path to walk down? Some may look more appealing, but end up a place you think you don't want to go. Some paths are harder to walk, but have moments of beauty and end up exactly where you want to be. Why can't the paths merge? That would simplify everything, wouldn't it.

I guess in the end, we are the choices we make.

Weird love. Looks like baby poo- tastes like heaven.

Split pea soup. I love this stuff! It is delicious and healthy. It has the creamy, sinful texture of potato soup- but it is all good for you.

I made the most amazing batch yesterday and am eating it for basically every meal.

But, why does it have to look, as Chris put it, like baby poop?

Stupid Genetic Makeup!

I am bored.

I am broke and have taken money from my parents, so I feel guilty spending any on recreation. This rules out the beach most days because of gas costs. This rules out bars and dinners out.

So, I was reflecting on how nice it was living with the blond Rachel. You know, having someone around to chitchat with. Someone to say, "Hell yes, I wanna go to HEB with you!" or, "Margaritas at noon would be perfectly reasonable- after all, it is Tuesday!" or "Yeah ok, I guess we can start our new fitness quest tonight, at eleven pm, after four pitchers of margaritas; let's go play basketball- that is perfectly reasonable!" Mostly, I could use a person to say- "Ok, that's it girlie, lose the sweats, add lip gloss and deodorant- we are going out!"

I feel like I am becoming a hermit.

But, we won't get into that because that is neither here nor there-

The point is I was bored- so, I made a cocktail. Nothing crazy, just a cocktail... then I watched five hours of My Name is Earl that I downloaded.

Then, I started cleaning... for entertainment. I cleaned my whole apartment. I did the dishes, some laundry, tidied up the living room, wiped counters down with antibacterial spray and was cleaning my mirror in the bathroom when my reflection caught my eye- what was I doing? I feel I am a fairly interesting person and I know I am a good friend. I can safely say that people usually have fun around me. Yet, I am cleaning my apartment, which was not terribly dirty, for fun- in my spare time.

It occurred to me that a man would have done something entertaining or fulfilling- maybe gone fishing, or as Rachel imagined, they would have at the very least, conducted light saber practice with Captain Solo; and yet I as a woman, felt compelled to clean. What is wrong with me? I texted Rachel about this epiphany and she texted back, "LOL", her standard response to most things (she is a giggly one); but then she added, "I was about to start cleaning!"

Well I say, no more! I will no longer clean while men fish, play disc golf, shot gun beers and goose the gherkin; I will do these things and more! Well those that are physically possible, and I will start now, right now. The dogs and I are going fishing. Well, not really because I do not have bait, but we will walk down to the pier... or something. Well, we will go outside, at least, and that is a start.

One more euphemism just for fun-

pound the flounder...

and goodnight.

HAHAHAHA.....

ok one more, grooming the wookie...
no, performing the Jedi hand trick.
No, test firing the Death Star....
Yep, that's the one.
;)

Oh, and those Raisenettes, all gone.

Freaking out.

I live in a perpetual state of changing my mind and then freaking out and then having a mental/emotional breakdown trying to figure out what my path in life is supposed to be.

Maybe these wise words will help if I read them enough:

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. -Kahlil Gibran.

Do or do not. There is no try.
-Yoda

This is my confession...

Alright I admit it...

I have been eating the Halloween candy I bought for any trick or treating kiddos who may stop by my apartment door.

I guess, I should also I admit I bought two bags when I really could have only bought one.

And you should know that I bought the kinds of candy I like to eat with little thought of kids opinions (Raisenettes!)

And that I don't really expect any kids to hike up to my third floor, undecorated door on Halloween.

And honestly, I don't really wanna share my candy with those little buggers anyway.

;)

Pirates.

Here we go, I love Halloween! I really missed having Chris around.

















I made her do this! Very Marylin!
























Relishing the pirate's life.





































Mullet snuggles. **Too cute.** I told her this will be their wedding photo someday!









































I only had maybe four drinks all evening and I have been useless all day. I guess I am not much of a serious drinker anymore. Two drinks needs to be my limit- or I lose a day to the evil hangover monster! We had a lot of fun being pirates! I think I wanna have an all pirate party sometime- lots of neat costumes and rum punches!

Rachel (not me, the blond) met a cute boy- I am always hoping it will be the one who will treat her nicely and respect her. I guess time will tell! Things were going great for them- until he took some shots and started puking. *yuck* I have some nice shots of Rachel looking grossed out after helping clean it up, but she hated them, so I left them off.

**I am a photo maniac if you hadn't noticed. I document everything for posterity!**

In My Life...

I heard this song and got distracted from my homework. I always think of Chris when I hear this song, especially Johnny Cash's version.

"There are places I'll remember, all my life though some have changed.




















Some forever, not for better. Some have gone and some remain...

















All these places have their moments with lover's and friends I still can recall. Some are dead and some are living...



















In my life I loved them all.



















But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you.





















And these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new.




















Though I know I'll never lose affection for people and things that went before.




















I know I'll often stop and think about them.



















In my life, I loved you more."

Crafty and clumsy.

I have my family's old dining room table. It's pretty beat up because my sisters and I were quite the terrors in our younger days. I decided to recover the chairs as soon as I brought it into my apartment, but didn't get around to it until yesterday.

See, I had these gorgeous light, green super thread count sheets which I bought in Austin just before I moved, but they didn't match my bedroom's color scheme here, which is brown and red. So, they sat on a shelf; until last week when I realized they matched the living room perfectly and therefore, the top sheet became a curtain and the ugly mini-blinds were banished from my life forever!

Then, it occurred to me the pillowcases could be used to cover the dining room table chairs. My living room and dining room are one large room decorated in brown and blue which feeds into my kitchen which is also green and blue. It was all coming together...

I finished the slightly tedious task of cutting up pillowcases and recovering chairs yesterday afternoon; and I was feeling quite accomplished.

This afternoon, I sat down at the table to study and knocked my glass of Republic of Tea, Raspberry Quince over. It spilled on a chair. Light green fabric and black tea is a bad combination. I scrubbed and now the chair is sitting in front of my french doors drying. Will it pull through? It's just too soon to say.

*sigh*

Babysitting or maybe...

In my infinite wisdom, I decided to post an ad on craigslist advertising myself as a babysitter. I figured maybe I could make some money and not have to worry about getting a job with a more concrete schedule. My original ad said that I was a "mature" college student, that I could also tutor while watching the kiddo and had contact info. In less than fifteen minutes I get a response from rhartness43@hotmail.com and I am excited! "Yes!!!! No waiting tables. Here we go..."

"Well I would like to be babysat. I would love to be feed and given a bath. No sex just be taken care of. I am 39 years old let me know I would like to hire you maybe 1or2 times a week for 5-8 hours a trip !!"

Gross.

Being the age of information, I look up said perv on, where else, MySpace. He's there. He's gross. Check him out if you want by clicking on the title to this posting.

Shy? Yeah, I don't think so. What I want to know, why would a person like this feel compelled to basically harass a student trying to make an honest living? This was posted under "childcare" not "adult services".

Trying to decide what to do to this man for punishment for being so gross. I am sure karma will take care of it, but maybe I can find a way to punish him....

First time I danced with Chris.

Country Club dance in May or so of 7th grade. I have no idea what year that was... 1995? So, 12 years ago? Yeah, that seems right. We danced to "The Dance" by Garth Brooks. I am pretty sure it was a lame sway side to side thing, but we've come a long way since then. Dancing with him comprises some of my happiest moments in life.

A few really good dances we have had recently would include "My Girl" at Sammy Farhat's wedding and "Let's Get it On" at Julie and Joe's wedding. I think Julie has pictures- I should get those. When Chris will consent to dance with me it is like the whole world ceases to exist and it is only him, me and the music; and we are fairytale waltzing. If he would let me, I would dance with him for hours without end, but usually I only get a few choice songs.

Well, here are the girls before the dance; primped and ready to tear it up:

The grumblings of a blessed bear...

I am so lucky.

This semester, my first in transition from a journalism major to a science major, has been seriously kicking my butt. Not to say the material and my brain don't want to get along; it has really been an issue of adjusting to the move, trying to make ends meet and underestimating the amount of studying four science classes require. But, I love science and I am easily the biggest dork in most of my classes which I think is so cool!

After I quit my job, I began to plot and scheme about my financial future. I am inventive and came up with a few ideas- working in Austin on weekends, selling stuff I own or moving back to school and having a real job again. My family, took notice of my situation and swooped in to help; which was completely unexpected- not that they are cruel or uncaring, but I am 25- not exactly the age where you want to be asking your parents for help with rent money.

Basically, my parents each came to me separately and offered to help me out the rest of the semester, so that I can focus on learning! Amazing- I can't believe it still. I cannot offer them enough thanks or accurately demonstrate to them how much this means to me.

I just feel so loved and lucky.

I can't believe I almost forgot to mention how wonderful it is to have the support of other people. My friends have all been amazingly helpful- both online and in the flesh. What I would do without them and their love, who knows?

And then there is the most wonderful man in existence who does his best to stand beside me while I seek out my dreams, so far away from him, even though he would rather I abandon them and become his housekeeper (which he could use). Words don't even begin to describe how blessed he makes me feel- especially when these silly, young college boys in my classes talk to me and all I can think is, "I am so happy I am a real grown up now and I don't have to worry about these ridiculous boys!!!"

Boring

How boring has my life been lately (according to the blog?) ???

Honestly, it hasn't been my most exciting last few months, but damn- all I have been writing about is like .... well, I have just been bitching since school started! I SUCK! Life gives me so many beautiful gifts on a daily basis and all I record for posterity is bitching. What kind of person am I?

I have two mid-terms tomorrow- but, I will spend my weekend reorganizing my brain- so that I will never fall into such a rut of bitch, bitch, bitch- you would think I was the most awful person!

Hmm... maybe I am? More things to reorganize- I think I must have forgotten to mention that I live in a tropical heaven where it hardly gets cold and there are palm trees on my way to school. I must have forgotten to mention that the wind incites my soul with vigor and passion when it whips around me. I forgot to mention, after a bad day- I just drive to the beach and soak up the sun and when it leaves for the night- I catch an amazing sunset over the dunes and then the moon shines down on the gulf and it's like my own private paradise.

Time to pull an all night Chemistry cram fest. It's just me, the dogs, a box of Pinot Noir and a whole lotta chemisty. Wish me luck and stamina!

Freedom!

I called in to work yesterday and told my manager, "I am so sorry to do this to you, but I can't come in today."

He said, "Oh no, why not?"

I said, "because I hate being there and the thought of going in makes me want to cry."

A logical reason to quit, no?

Now, if I could just figure out how to get some more of that stuff... what's it called again.... oh yeah, money!

Helpless.

I got a migraine today in my Biology lab. It came on rather unexpectedly because I hadn't had a migraine in the whole time I have been living here and I didn't notice any of the normal warning symptoms. I was sitting in class, we had just finished a quiz and I suddenly realized it was coming. I see "auras" which are flashes of light that basically render me blind until they go away. I have to cover my eyes because if I try to see when I have them- it makes the headache that follows infinitely worse.

So, I am about to start a project that sounded really cool involving shaving off pieces of aquatic plants and measuring their rates of photosynthesis when I start to see these flashes of light. It is a two person project, so I try to communicate to my lab partner that I can no longer see. Sweet girl offers to read me the project! :) I tell her I can't think either and I start digging in vain in my giant backpack for migraine pills which I know I don't have, but I just don't want to believe it. My TA walks by and I am able to get the phrase "Amanda, I am getting a migraine and I can't see..." out of my mouth before I start crying. She offers me water and through my choking tears I say, " I am going to go sit in the hall." and pretty much stumble out of my lab like a blind, crazy madwoman.

I sit on the floor in the hall of the lab building with my head buried in my hands while the world goes completely crazy for me. I have basically got strobe lights in front of my eyes, it feels like I am on a roller coaster and I realize I can't leave campus. I obviously cannot drive home- I can't even walk down the hall. Worse yet, while I have friends here in Corpus, they aren't really the kind of friends you call sobbing and incapacitated asking for a ride home; I try to save that for people I have known at least a few months! I am stuck with nowhere to go and no one to help me.

At first the hall is empty and I am so thankful because, how crazy do I look? But, then the people start coming and I am just sitting in the floor of the hall, head buried in hands trying to be invisible and not to cry to hard. Sad thing, not one person stops and asks if I need help! I was thankful at the time because they would have gotten a crazed, sobbing unintelligible reply- but now that my head is starting to clear up, I am appalled! I would have tried to help, but I guess I am just overly helpful. I really wanted to go somewhere, but I couldn't see- I was completely helpless!

I decide the auras are starting to reside and I want to go to the bathroom and put a wet paper towel on my head to cool off. I get up woozily and try to walk down the hall with one hand shielding my eyes and of course there is a whole class waiting in the hallway between me and the restrooms! As I am walking through the mob, a girl I know tries to ask if I am OK and I answer with some crazy, sobbing reply. That will be fun to explain to her tomorrow in class!

(Eventually I make it there and back and head home- I can't think clearly enough for coherant details here.)

Side note: On my way home I stop at McDonalds, something I never do, and get a full "meal" and a hot fudge sundae which, of course, I eat first. Migraines compel me to binge eat, isn't that strange?

That's all I can write now, I don't know if this is even making sense so far! I just got up- I got home at one and have slept all day! My head hurts and I want something to fix it, but I have no clue what will do it.

The point I wanted to make was that feeling completely helpless is horrible and humbling. We take for granted that we can get around by ourselves and that we are independent entities; and it can be ripped away in a second.

Lost as ever.

I am so confused. My intention in coming to Corpus was to work less and be able to dedicate myself to really learning in school, but that is not exactly happening. I never have time to study and I feel like I am run as ragged as I was in Austin, except I am way more broke and there is no awesome vacation around the corner to make it all worth while. Tonight I find myself wondering if I could afford to break my lease and go home after the semester is over.

I miss vacation. I know I am spoiled, but I miss hotels, planes and adventures. I can't plan a trip anywhere because I have absolutely no money! I am also having trouble keeping up in school because I have to work so much to just live- rent and bills. I don't even have money for wine! This is serious!

Maybe I am not meant to finish school yet. I could go back to my easy job that pays well and take two months of vacation a year- it wasn't exactly a bad gig.

I wish I knew what to do. Universe, I need guidance. Please send it immediately.

Well, I suck, but wine is good

So, apparently I am not going thirty days without drinking alcohol. However, because of this I did discover a delicious wine I never had experienced before... The J. Lohr Wildflower Valdiguié !!!!

The vintage was '04 and it was amazing. Both light and complex; and most importantly, very yummy. Here's what they say:

"Vibrant purple-red in color with youthful hues, our J. Lohr Estates Wildflower Valdiguié has intense varietal aromas of boysenberry, plum, blackberry, and bing cherry preserves. The fruit complexion in the wine is slightly darker--favoring the blackberry and plum fruits-- than in previous vintages. The luscious fruit and lingering acidity make this wine ideal as an aperitif. Serve chilled or try it with fish and chips with aioli mayonnaise for a treat. Drink your last bottle just in time for the release of the new vintage!"

Hmmm... fish and chips are my favorite! But, I have always believed that they belong with beer- something hoppy and malty or.... to be honest, my favorite beer with fish and chips is actually a Velveteen- half Guinness and half apple cider. It goes well together because the cider is sweet which magnifies the salty taste of the fish and chips- and then there is creamy Guinness to top it off- like the whipped cream on a sundae. Mmmmm.... That is what I envision with fish and chips. Who knows- maybe I could, "Go crazy" and try fish and chips with wine. I do remember the wine did make me crave a salty snack- so, it could work.

Side note: I also read that it is a good red wine to share with all you "only white" wine drinkers out there.

Tired.

Why have I been so freakin' tired the last two weeks?

I guess ACL, school, work and life have just sucked the life out of me. I really thought that sans alcohol I would feel a little boost of energy, but I guess not. It has been a week and a day, I think, with NO ALCOHOL!

Not really a big deal, but isn't always harder to do something when you are consciously thinking about not doing it? It is just like when I am waiting tables and I tell the person, "Don't touch the plate, it is really hot." What is the first thing every single person does? You know what they do; they immediately touch the hot plate which then burns their hand because it was hot... like I told them it was. Yeah, you may laugh, but you know you would do it also! ; )

At work tonight, it was crazy, it always is; I basically work in a madhouse. So, it was nuts and I was dreaming of a getting off and enjoying few glasses of J. Lohr Cabernet (basically my favorite indulgence in the world) and a piece of our chocolate eruption cake (which is a rich, half cake- half mousse, all chocolate dream...) but, I abstained because I am a good girl. And, also held accountable by my blog.

I did, however, sneak a broken piece of cheesecake because I was starving and now I feel kinda guilty. Oh well, what is the point of living if you don't eat some cheesecake now and then?

On that note, I have probably lost about fifteen pounds of fat and gained a little over five pounds in muscle since I moved here, which I think is pretty awesome! My former job involved being anchored to a desk and I made enough money to eat whatever I wanted; so I did and too much also! Now, I run around on a crazy boat carrying trays of food and am too poor to eat anything but beans and rice! I can almost wear my "skinny" clothes again, and maybe soon I could even try to wear them in public. Who knows? But, I still have a ways to go. I am trying to become a regular at this new place I discovered on campus; it is called the rec. and they have machines where you can do this crazy thing called "exercise"... Yeah, I think that discovery may help me get back into better shape also! ; )

I have had this uneasy feeling of stirring in my soul the last few days, I feel like something is brewing in the Universe and I don't know what it is yet. Things are about to change... planets are aligning, stars are crossing.... I can just feel it. But, all I can do for now is wait in anticipation... and wonder what is gonna go down?

*sigh* I am physically exhausted, but my brain is wired. I hope I can wake up early and get some of my everyday, hum-drum errands taken care of before I have class.

Now, if only I could figure out why I have been so tired...

My lil' sis.

The sky here is too big sometimes!

















My lil' munchkin and me with the Corpus skyline. July 5, 2005.

More ACL pics!

Me and my darling, Brently; mid proposal.


Being silly and having waaay to much free time at the festival.

My mantra these days.

"You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life."

How amazing is that phrase? I repeat it to myself; over and over. It has developed a song-like rhythm in my head.

"You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life."

Looking for meaning in the randomness of life can be maddening. You start thinking about the point of living and you can go crazy! Why do anything when you could die- anywhere, at any time, for who knows what reason.

It makes you question everything: why go to school, why pay taxes, why not have another truffle or a few glasses of wine?

On that note: I am still succeeding in abstaining from alcohol. It has been over 24 hours now. I even went to a restaurant where they offered me a free glass of wine- and I turned it down!!!!

OK, now anyone who knows me knows there is no way I would ever in a million years turn down a free glass of wine. So here is what really happened:

The waiter told my friend that because they didn't have a liquor license they were pouring free glasses of wine with the meal; hmm.... I like the sound of that!

But they only had white zinfandel and chardonnay- yuck.

My two least favorite wines. I won't even drink them... usually.

Regardless of that fact- I order a Chardonnay- the lesser of the two evils.

Then when the waiter walks away, my brain clicks on and .... I remember- oh yeah, that whole abstinence-teetolling plan.

Oops....

However, the waiter returns with no glass of chardonnay because they "ran out". He offered me a glass of Texas White which I wisely refused and then I thanked the Universe for its infinite wisdom in showing me the way once again.

I have had many of these moments of divine intervention since I moved to Corpus and even throughout my planning stages. Remember, I was supposed to move to Galveston and then changed my mind at T minus seven days!

I just knew in my gut what was the right choice and went with it, regardless of reason or people thinking I was nuts for changing my mind at the last minute like that.

That is the way life goes; or mine anyway. I stumble along and take what comes at me and try to interpret what my place in the grand scheme of things may be... eventually.

"You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life."

ACL Fest Pics

Just a few to start with:

Still tired-

-and hungover, to boot.

These circumstances have prompted me to make the decision to abstain from alcohol for the next thirty days and go on a fitness binge.

So, no drinking until about October 20.

At all.

I will document my success with this project here to help me not "forget" that I am teetotalling (did I make that word up?).

Now, this tired, hungover teetotaller must learn Chemistry and finish a Biology lab!

Here goes nothing..

Tired

Barely home from Austin- and too tired to write anything; but felt the need to post that I survived ACL fest.

And made it back to my chemistry lab with maybe 2 minutes to spare before my hardass teacher locked the door!

Follow up from last night.

No one needs two appetizer platters from Trudy's; or probably anywhere.

Ever.

Another good idea:
Trudy's chicken flaquities covered in queso with ranch dressing drizzled on top and just a dab of salsa plopped on top of that. So good!

But, I think I may have gained five pounds last night from Mexican martinis and appetizer platters! Nachos, queso, chicken flaquities and fried stuffed jalepenos. We killed the first one, but the second went almost completely to waste.

Oh well, you know what they say about hind sight.

Now- we are going couch hunting for Ms. Rachel (not me) at IKEA and to the outlet mall for retail therapy. Then I have lunch planned with all my former coworkers at a Japenese steakhouse! If I can work up an appetitie...

Visiting austin

Just got into town. My old roommate is showering and we are gonna go get beers and appetizers somewhere. Being here makes me miss my friends a lot. I have been so busy in Corpus that I really haven't had time to miss all the wonderful people I left behind.

I miss having an awesome girl roomie who I can gossip with and share pink drinks before a well deserved night on the town.

Sometimes you don't really know what you have until it's gone...

But, I do love living in Corpus and there are always reasons to make the three hour drive back to my hometown!

Now-
it is time to primp and gossip!

E-Z and lazy "Sangria" recipie:

Red wine- tonight, I used Concho y Toro Frontera Cab/Merlot blend
V-8 Fusion Pomegranate Blueberrry Juice

vitamins and liquor together = awesome!

Pour half and half over ice in large wine glass.

Tasty...

Even my mom approved and drank two glasses!
;)

More pics of my pier.

One last old bad poem!

(my dr. suess impersonation)

I am trying hard to be the person I am.
There is more to life than this place where I stand.
and dead end jobs and cars that don't go...
Life should be bigger it can always grow!

Other countries, new people but, never forget old friends.
Good wine, delicious food and happiness in the end.
Swim all the oceans
Jump out of a plane
Live with my heart
Hope people will think I'm insane.

Love intensely. Forgive easily and never hold a grudge.
Listen to others when they speak.
Dance with strangers cheek to cheek.

Make love in the rain, any chance that I get.
Let go of the pain; it doesn't mean I have to forget.

Live for the moment-
do it all for the sake of having done it all...
Just jump in without looking-
sometimes we all need a good fall.

Break a few bones.
Discover new bars,
Fall madly in love!
And hopefully,
acquire a few interesting scars...

Stay up all night-
if the chance arises.
Be open to suggestions,
life can pack some surprises!

Never drink the same beer in the same bar night after night.
LIVE, LIVE, LIVE, LIVE,
with all of your might!!!!!!

Be who you want-
stay true to the soul-
Live for the moment...
and let the Universe fill in all those sad, empty holes.

this is where i live.

it is ok to be a little jealous.

What I want from the universe.

So many people want money and power; and I say this is a crappy thing. It makes me sick and depressed. People, and I mean people in positions of power, will actually kill or command the deaths of thousands; just for this sacred money and/or power; those dirty mother f'ers.

So then, what do I want? Am I wrongly self righteous ?

Let 's examine...

I want:

-to live near a beach and an ocean. the less polluted the better. also the more affordable the better.

-my doggies to be healthy and happy. to provide them with the life I promised them when i adopted them.

-to become more educated. life is a quest for knowledge and the older I get, the more I should realize how little I truly know

-to be in perfect shape. I am no saint; I am vain as hell.

-to radiate happiness. I wish to live in a way that may inspire others to allow themselves to accept happiness.

-to make a difference in the world. Maybe I can help preserve our poor natural resources by studying environmental science. I sure hope so!!!

-I really wanna learn to play the blues and sang them!!!

hmm... and a nice bottle of wine from time to time wouldn't hurt!