Music to my ears.

Benign.

*happy sigh*

:)

Now, we get on with the living.

Thoughts on if-

I don't know how many times I have wondered how I would react if I found out I had a terminal disease. One hopes with dignity, strength and grace. One hopes their passion for life is enough to sustain them through anything. One hopes they didn't waste too much of their precious alloted time.

When I was a kid I was sunburned badly twice, two separate years. Blisters covering my shoulders which turned into giant scabs and healed into sundamaged skin marked with brown spots. I wear sunblock on my shoulders pretty much everywhere I go. Walking across campus, riding my bike or even walking the dogs! I don't wanna risk another burn. And I haven't gotten burned badly in a long time. I do harbor some resentment to my mom for letting me get so burned, and two separate times! What was she so preoccupied with that she couldn't put a little more sunblock on her young child?

Starting to worry as I age- I want to live forever! I want to see one hundred years of joy on this planet! I have so many more things to experience, places to go, foods to try and people to meet! No way I am making an early exit!

So, I keep an eye out for oddities and things start to concern me. Moles aren't supposed to change. This worries me. More so, they aren't supposed to bleed. One time, I can ignore, but twice was cause enough to make the trip to the doctor where I was hacked up and sent off for testing.

You ponder things when you suddenly find yourself doubting your own immortality. I feel like I have a pretty good handle on what is worthwhile and what is not. Things which I concern myself with do continue to seem important and this pleases me. When I reflect upon my life, I am happy with my current path and I wouldn't change anything. I feel like my work is meaningful and my time is well spent on a day to day basis.

Outside of my window, a hummingbird hovers, wings furiously beating at an insane pace. He still looks so calm in the midst of his own fury. Perhaps there is a lessons there.

Thoughts on a phone call.

Such a simple thing, why procrastinate? Why put off something that will put an end to the worry about things I don't like to name? It's probably nothing anyway.

The pain emanating from my stomach reminds me that something real has happened here; they took a part of me. What once was me- is now just flesh in a test tube somewhere being analyzed. Or maybe it has already been analyzed? Maybe if I make that call they can answer my question-

do I? or do I just have a bullet shaped wound in my stomach where once a cute little beauty mark lived?

I man up, steel my nerves and make the call. I get put on hold for a long time while the friendly nurse retrieves my test results. Seconds take hours and waiting is torturous. She returns and awkwardly states that the doctor has not signed off on my results yet and that she promises they will call me right back.

The waiting game continues. Do I want my phone to ring? I hope so and I hope it happens soon.

My New Addiction...

-S'mores Luna bars.

I have been really busy and not had much time for cooking.

There may have been a day last week where they were all I ate all day.

I can't stop! I need help!