Crazy, skinny poem

My favorite poem ever:

"zero."

I must be smaller. I must be better.
I must be perfect. I must get skinnier.

The purpose of life is thinner thighs,
a firmer ass and six pack abs.

In order to matter and not just to be
it is essential that I wear a size three
and try to be like her on TV-
Not like myself,
I don't like me.

I don't eat this. I won't drink that.
I will exist on water and eliminate all fats.

I'll keep my eye on the goal to stay in the game-
always have my rear end in view,
and one day I'll be a size two.

But, it is not enough- so exercise,
take those pills and sweat and cry.
Slim fast, cut back, power bar, try too hard...
Try to fight the cellulite.
Huff and puff, ride the bike,
Concentrate- warp my mind.

Overdo.
Undereat.
Eliminate carbs.
Forget to cheat.

Skip some meals with my over-sized head.
Run in place until I shed
those last five pounds
I may fall down and hit the ground-
but, I have almost won,
my life has meaning,
I AM SIZE ONE!!!!!

Not the time has come,
to separate the real women from the girls...
I'll jam my finger down my throat and make myself hurl.
Laxatives, celebrity diets,
new exercise craze?
It's time to try it!
Cosmo says this,
and I wanna be her in People magazine.
I am insane, but damn I'm lean!
I haven't eaten solid food in a week and I feel like a hero-
The doctors say I may die tomarrow-
BUT I MADE IT TO SIZE ZERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

indulging in a sad mood tonight...

There are days, well usually nights, when I fall into a mood; it is a bad one. It is all consuming and, at times, frightening. And no one knows about it anymore. The person who guided me through these nights experienced much more intense moods than I and succumbed to death's seductive call earlier this month.

I wish I could have led him to safety as he did for me so many dark times. Not knowing him better is something I will actually admit to regretting in life. And I usually say I live with no regrets (which is a load of crap and we all know it!!!).

I miss you Sean; the world is far worse without you.

More bad poetry (why!)...

"It's ok"

The trash is overflowing again.
It always is.

The pile of dishes in the sink overwhelms me and I pretend that it's not there.
I can't ever seem to get to class,
I really hate one of my jobs,
and I don't have any clean socks...

I am always skipping
work, class, appointments,
but I still never have time for myself.

They won' t let em dye my hair blue,
and there is no time to workout.

I'm getting older; but it happens to us all.
I'm getting fatter; Hey, I'll just buy new pants...
I don't have time to learn new guitar chords,
and I still can't sing on key;
so it seems I will never be a rock star...

I have no time, baby.
No time at all.
But, I'll always make time for you;
You make it worth the trouble to be alive
and you make me laugh.
I never get to sleep.

Sometimes I can't remember what day it is-
but, I love it when you stay awake to watch me fall asleep,
even though I am too tired to stay awake with you.

So, in the end-
it's worth it all.
Let the trash fall on the floor- what do I care?
If there's no clean cups- then I'll just drink a beer!

I am going insane,
growing increasingly scatterbrained...
but at least you are here-

and for a moment-
it's all ok.

Depressed poetry (old School)

"here"

Here I am again, lost in time.
Trying to find a reason and trying to write a rhyme.

Trying to find a reason not to want to die.
Trying to find a way to prevent my inevitable night time cry.

What's left for me in your world?
What's left of you in mine?

There's nothing left-
except delusions,
eluding me with time.