I moved to Austin at the beginning of 1997.
In April of 1999, the boy I had dated since February of 1997 killed himself.
I really hate springtime.
Why? The odds we would still be together are little, but the pain of him being gone still haunts me.
His smile still haunts my dreams.
I wish I could have known more about life then, been more perceptive.
But, I wasn't and the pain and shock remains in my heart. Some nights, I wonder how I got this far. Some nights, the desire to go back and do more is all consuming.
I always wonder- why?
And the answer is always cold, dead silence.
The Latest
8 years ago
2 reverberations:
Wow. I had no idea. I am sure those regrets (?) are all too consuming at times.
But how perceptive is one expected to be in their teens?
It's just sad, is all. :(
I'm so sorry, Rachel. You certainly can't blame yourself for not understanding it all...no one truly does.
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